Reminiscing

Time With Ivette Pt.III

Emerald's POV~

"Is everything okay, mom?"

I closed the door behind me and I buckled myself in. "It is. Why?"

"Just asking." Ivette smiled. "Today will be a perfect day."

"I'll make sure it is," I promised with a smile of my own.

Ivette then asked for my phone to play a game. I handed it over to her and I decided to relax as well. It would be a thirty-minute drive to the zoo—if there wasn't any traffic that is.

As I gazed out of the car's window my mind drifted to Candice.

I didn't know how to feel about her.

I liked her.

A lot.

I just wasn't sure if I could ever get past that 'liking' and develop it into something more.

Would I ever love her? Would I ever be able to trust her with my heart?

I wanted to be open with her. I wanted to open my heart up for her and let her past my walls, but there was just so many things she didn't know.

I didn't want to experience another heartbreak like the previous one. I didn't want to offer her all of my love and risk being taken for granted.

I was so unsynchronized between my feelings and actions that I ended up feeling what I didn't want to feel and doing what I didn't want to do.

I want Candice.

I want to open up to her and trust her with my feelings, but my mind pushes the idea away and my heart auto locks itself.

Each and every time I try to think about it, my head blinks a big, red, message saying 'access denied', just like my files do when they're trying to be hacked.

Then there was the fact that she began the divorce process only after meeting me.

I knew what I was getting myself into, but I didn't want to be known as a home wrecker. That was low. Especially for me. I had to remind myself that I have high standards and being a homewrecker just wasn't it.

But you knew she was married since day one, yet you couldn't stop thinking about her and being with her– I reminded myself.

I couldn't say I didn't know Candice was married because I did. She made it very clear. Just because I sensed that her marriage wasn't going so well didn't mean I had the right to step into her life and seduce her into getting out of it.

Sh-t!

Was that what I did? I thought in horror.

Did I actually seduce Candice and made her want to call it quits?

That was horrible!

What exactly did that make me?

It infuriated me to know that Candice actually gave me an entrance.

It infuriated me because I wanted to do things right and not find myself in messes of these sorts.

Like my mother wanting to hold a damn dinner with all three of us.

Who would even agree to something like that?

How were we even going to invite Nancy?

Candice would have to be the one passing the invitation.

It also infuriated me that Candice actually wanted to see Nancy. I could see it in her eyes each time Nancy was brought into a conversation. Her eyes would hold a nostalgic look to them and I didn't know what to make of it.

She could very well still be in love with her despite the damage that woman had caused her.

I didn't like that.

I didn't like it because then I'd have to fight alongside Nancy for Candice's attention. And I knew I was at a disadvantage already.

They knew each other.

Candice knows Nancy's best and worst moments. She's seen her both during the good and bad. They have memories. And they were once in love with each other.

With me?

Everything is new for Candice.

The feelings, the emotions and of course the ever-present doubts. She only knows me partially. She knows my good but not the bad. She hasn't even seen me at my worst. She doesn't even know me!

If the way I acted on Friday brought her to tears, imagine what it will be like when she actually presences my worst moments?

I didn't want to hurt her.

I knew my words had already cut into her. Maybe it was best to distance myself from her before I caused her any more unwanted damage.

I'd try my best to push her away.

Yeah, that's exactly what I would do.

_______

"Mommy look at that monkey!" Ivette yelled while laughing and pointing.

I laughed along with her when I saw a monkey poking another one's ear.

We had been here for approximately one hour and we were still enjoying our time at the zoo.

Ivette had the time of the day eating cotton candy, taking pictures and making me buy her teddy bears that contributed to foundations for endangered species.

We walked around enjoying each and every animal section. Well except for the snakes and spiders—Ivette was too afraid to go anywhere near those.

After spending the majority of our day there, we decided to call it a day and finish it off with pizza and a movie.

So we were immediately taken to the nearest cinema and we decided to watch whatever movie there was for children.

Ivette decided on Finding Dory although she has seen it countless times already.

We had to wait in line for a couple of minutes before reaching the counter and being able to buy some snacks.

When we were handed our slices of pizza, soda, and popcorn we agreed that the wait was worthwhile. Especially since I allowed Ivette a baggie of candies.

Halfway through the movie and all of our food, Ivette was drained and fast asleep.

I smiled when I noticed Ivette's content smile.

If I had to guess just how much Ivette enjoyed this day, it would break any scale I could think of.

It was a perfect mother-daughter bonding time. And I was glad we spent all of today together.

Without interruptions.

I gathered Ivette in my arms and I headed for the exit. I was physically tired as well. I could do with a few hours of sleep myself.

•••

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