Reminiscing

Numb

Candice's POV~

To say I was mad, would be the greatest understatement.

If I had to describe how I was feeling in one word, I'd have to go with 'enraged'.

I had wanted to slap the sh-t out of Nancy on so many occasions that I actually lost count.

As a matter of fact, I take my words back—a one worded resumé of my current emotional state would have been pretty damn impossible.

I was numb, infuriated and most of all, I felt betrayed.

Nancy kept me in the dark about so many things that I couldn't even fully process them yet. I couldn't believe that she cheated on me on more than one occasion. I mean, I did suspect it, I just wanted her to confess otherwise.

Tough luck.

Although I wasn't particularly mad because of that. Which was actually kind of shocking, because infidelity was damn near unforgivable. I—myself—had cheated on her as well. So I couldn't really ground her out for it.

It wasn't her having a daughter that pissed me off, either.

I actually wanted to meet the little girl!

Although I couldn't possibly imagine a little nine year old, product of Nancy and some unknown scumbag who I really wanted to give a piece of my mind to.

How could he be sick enough to take advantage of a drugged girl?

I honestly felt really bad for Nancy.

She had to go through so much at such a young age. Here I was complaining about all these responsibilities being thrown my way at the age of nineteen, thinking that Nancy was just being a useless, alcoholic and irresponsible woman —when in reality she had so much to actually be worried over.

She was the one ripped out of her childhood. She was the one stressing over serious things- and not only for herself but for another defenseless and fragile human being also.

While I complained about paying bills and making sure everything was taken care of, Nancy had to worry about whether or not she would be able to see her daughter alive the next day.

I felt like scum.

I was so senseless towards Nancy when she was going through such a tough time.

I should have been the one to comfort her during those bad times. I should have been the support that she was lacking. I should have been there for her and I should have been the one whispering to her not to give up on hope.

Our lack of communication was the main problem here.

If our communication had been in a good state, then we could've prevented the snowball effect that led our marriage to cave-in.

She wouldn't have had her downfall with the alcohol, I wouldn't have been her punching bag and she wouldn't have distanced herself from me in order to not hurt me.

And there—my friends—is the reason behind my fury.

The distancing each other apart—that's what pissed me off greatly. Why did she have to give up on us instead of apologizing and talking with me?

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't senseless either, I knew it would have been really tough to bring up the subject but I still deserved to have known.

She was my wife after all.