Reminiscing

With Time

Nancy's POV~

Life is great.

Do you ever just sit back after going through a bunch of sh-t and just think about how great life is?

I mean, there are always a few good, happy and sacred minutes of happiness in between the problems.

Minutes where you can just sigh and think 'Hey, I'm gonna be okay, I got this'.

Yeah, that was me right about now.

I wiped the sweat from my face with a towel as I got off the treadmill and proceeded to take out my headphones.

Life was great indeed.

I had just got through a very good workout. I had come clean with Candice and taken a huge burden off of myself. Desiree was healthy and doing better than ever. Valerie was currently babysitting her at the moment, actually. As soon as I mentioned a babysitter she kept insisting that I choose her. She was a bit reluctant when I told her that if I ever agreed to it, it would be under one condition.

That I pay her for it.

This, of course, turned into an argument with her saying she was a friend and this is what friends do for each other. I simply shrugged it away and told her I'd hire someone then. When she saw that I was not budging she finally agreed and so now she babysat on her free time after school.

As for Candice and I, I believed that we were in a far better place than we ever were during our tough marriage.

After the night of the dinner she had spent the night and majority of the next day with us.

She had been in utter shock when she realized that Desiree knew pretty much everything about her.

I guess she never would've thought that I'd speak to my daughter about her. Just because I kept Desiree a secret from Candice, doesn't mean I did the same with her.

Ever since she was very little I'd speak to Desiree about her 'other Mom'. I'd show her pictures and tell her stories on what was going on. Obviously I kept a lot of the problematic stuff to myself. But aside from that she knew.

I would get her opinion on stuff and try to keep her involved in our nonexistent family.

The puppy I had gave Candice, for example. I had taken pictures of about two other dogs and the one I ended up choosing was the one my baby had picked out. Candice couldn't believe it and she just about suffocated Desiree with hugs and kisses after we told her.

It was great.

The time that we got to spend together.

She was taking her role seriously and during the time she was home with us, all of her attention was retained inside that house. It was consumed by Desiree and me. Not once did she step outside to make a phone call. Not once did she make an attempt to reach out to the other woman.

It had been great.

I couldn't help but think that this is what my family would've looked like if only I'd come around earlier and told Candice everything about myself.

But then again timing has its way and maybe this was just the perfect time for it to come out and for us to try and work things through or around it.

Either way I was very happy.

I got to see what it'd be like. Us. Living together and just enjoying each other's company. Desiree was ecstatic just by having so many people over. Whether it was Val, Jane or Candice.

It has been about a week or two since Candice spent those days with us and I haven't seen her since then.

We were on good terms and she would text me every so often. Just to check up on Desiree or see how I was doing. Although it was an amazing feeling to have her keep in touch, it wasn't to the point where I'd sit there and stare at my phone until I heard a ding go off in order to hastily look at the message.

No.

It was as if the time spent together gave me closure. Not to a point where I'd give up on her and move on. More to a point where I saw where we could be if things worked out. It was more of a motivation that helped me determine some of my priorities.

For example, it got me thinking that this was actually the life that I wanted.

Time with my baby and the love of my life. But I also was aware that it wasn't my choice to make. I knew the severity of my actions and exactly how it had broken Candice in the past.

Just now she was beginning to recollect herself and put herself together after the damage I'd done.

Did I deserve her?

No, I really didn't.

But I accepted my wrongs, apologized sincerely to her and I also showed her a side of me she hadn't seen until those days spent with my baby and I.

I showed her the new me and it was up to her whether she was willing to work with it.

I—for one—knew that I had no say whatsoever in her choice. I didn't even have the right to question her about who she would choose.

I wouldn't come into her life demanding answers or demanding anything for that matter, because like I said—I had broken her.

She deserved all of the time that she needed before trying to focus on someone else. She deserved to look out for herself and decide who she would rather be with.

I showed her everything that I was and what I could be, now it was up to her.

And I'd leave it to time to do it's part.

With time, I'd know her answer.

Whether this was enough for her or not. Hopefully, with any luck, she'd come to the realization that I wasn't the same Nancy as before. After all of the talking about myself and what happened, I had resurfaced and was able to finally breathe again.

I could be carefree and happy.

Because my daughter was home with me and my lover had just about seen all that I was about. I wouldn't pressure her. I wouldn't ask any more from her than what I already had. Merely because I didn't deserve it.

She had a lot of thinking to do and I'd give her all the space needed in order for her to do that.

"Have a good evening!" I wished the receptionist at the gym with a smile before stepping out into the chilly air.

I took a deep breath of fresh, cool, night air.

Life was great indeed!

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