Forgiveness

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It is February the fifth today

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It is February the fifth today. Its been two months since I last heard from Zak. He finally started doing his show again. He has gone back to his old ways of taunting the spirits. He doesn't care for me any more. I have never felt so empty inside. The man I love is out of my life. I heard the door bell ring. I didn't move to answer the door. It then continued to ring.  I sigh then get up and answer the door. I was shocked when I saw him standing there. I felt a fire burn inside of me. I go to shut the door but he catches it then comes in. "I need to talk to you." he says lowly. He looked terrible. He was so skinny with dark circles under his eyes, and his hair wasn't brushed or spiked up. "I don't want to talk to you."  "Let me say my peace then I'll leave." he walks to the living room. I close the door then follow him. I walk in to see him sitting down on the couch. "Come sit down. Have a talk with me." he tells me kindly. I sit across from him then listen. "Harley, I still love you. I know I put you through hell that day and I'm extremely sorry. I have regretted it ever since. I want you back home." I look down at the ground. "I don't want to go back Zachary, I always end up here."  "You won't I'll change. I won't yell or get mad. We can get married and have kids soon."  "Zak, I don't have any love left in my heart."  "We can build it back up." he sits next to me taking my hand in his.  "Zak, I don't love you anymore." I lie to him.  "No, that's not true. You do love me."  "No, I can't stand to think of you."  "No, you love me and I love you."  "Zak, I need time."  "Okay baby I'll wait." he kisses my hand. "We are going on an investigation, do you want to come with us?"  "No, i'm good." I push him off of me.  "Gracie misses you." he tells me softly.  "I miss Gracie." I admit.  "You should come see her."  "I don't know."  "Please."  "I don't know Zak!" I get frustrated with him. "Baby, I'm sorry for what I said and put you through. Can we put that behind us and continue our relationship?" "No! you pushed me over the edge! I'm tired of feeling not good enough, i'm tired of the damn age thing, i'm tired of all the moving out. Your just a father with benefits. You don't know how to be just my lover." "I'm trying. I've let the whole world know we were together."  "After i had a damn heat attack and died!" I yell at him. "Yeah it was stupid and i'm sorry for that. I made a mistake. I made a lot of mistakes are you going to hold that against me forever?"  "You can leave now." i tell him flatly and point to the door. "I know your hurt but please let me make it up to you." he says softly.  "I don't need you." I push him off of me. "Is that why you've stopped eating, stopped taking care of yourself, and have a cut on your arm."  "That was an accident."  "Harley, you need me as much as I need you."  "Get an assistant."  "I already have one." he sighs deeply. "Good go fuck her and start your life." I get up and show him to the door. I hold the door open for him to leave. He shuts the door placing his hands on either side of me starring into my eyes. "Ill do anything for you Harley." he whisper as he pulled me close to him. His body was pressed against mine. He takes my face in his hand then roughly kisses me. He then started to kiss my neck. "We can go upstairs." he breaths. The warmth of his breath sent chills down my spine sending me into shock. I pull back and look at him shocked. "And do what?"   "Make love." he then kisses my neck again. I stand there shocked. "What do you say?"  "No." i finally say after i find my lips.  "Why not?" "Because your just doing this to get me back. It doesn't mean anything." "Baby, please take me back. I need you. I'm not the same with out you."  "You should have realized that sooner." I tell him rudely crossing my arms. " Please don't be stubborn about this. Don't shut me out. I made a mistake. You don't need to call us off every time we disagree.You need to let this go. Just come home." He is right. I shouldn't be stubborn over this. "I know its no use of talking you out of something but i had to come and say my peace. Your always welcome home." he walks out of the house and drives away. What have I done? 

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