Cameron x Nash Short Stories - cash -

Light My Candle Part Eleven

He's never felt butterflies like that , he always gets a little flutter before he steps on stage but what he's feeling at that moment is unparalleled.

He hasn't had contact with Rachel since he left her apartment and he has no idea how she's doing. He's left her alone and hasn't even contacted her family because he knows she needs space. She needs time and space to heal. He briefly contemplated calling the pastor and letting him know that he wouldn't be able to make it to the service, but he knows that wouldn't be the right thing to do.

So he stands at the side of the stage how he always does before he leads worship. No one has treated him differently or even asked about Rachel, he knows if word had gotten out he'd be inundated with questions and concerns. He knows after today's service, after people realize that he and Rachel aren't sitting together, that they aren't talking that the congregation will figure it out.

It's a good congregation for the most part, there's an atmosphere of being a part of a big family but he also knows how gossip runs rampant.

He lets out a shaky breath as the pastor finishes saying his welcoming speech, he's moments away from stepping onto the podium. If Rachel is in the congregation, he'll see her and he doesn't know how he'll feel.

He murmurs a quick prayer asking for strength before he steps up with the rest of the worship team.

His hand trembles slightly as he walks up to the microphone and adjusts it to his height. He closes his eyes momentarily before his hands start strumming a familiar worship song and he focuses on the congregation.

He knows where Nash is sitting, he left him on the left side of church, sitting at the back and his eyes lock with the beautiful blue eyes that somehow calm him down and the flurry of movement in his stomach stops.

"Forgiveness. It's such a simple word with such a deep connotation. In Greek, the word forgiveness means to 'let go'. But sometimes it's hard, it's hard to let go. We're human and we sometimes we falter, sometimes we can't forgive like the Bible tells us. And that's okay. It's okay to struggle, we're not perfect beings but God is and He is the one that will guide you through the storm, He is the one that will show you the path from the dark back into the light. All we have to do is trust in Him and know that He has a plan for each and every one of us. While you're in the midst of pain, of hurt so deep that it shakes you to the core, just remember. God will make a way, even when it seems there isn't." Cameron speaks quietly as his fingers strum a soft. He hadn't been sure what he was going to say, he had just trusted that God would give him the right thing to say.

When he finally looks at the section where Rachel always sits with her family and friends, he meets the bloodshot eyes of a girl who has had her heart broken. She has a fist clenched and pressed up against her lips as her eyes tear up, her body shakes slightly and Cameron's heart drops because he was completely unprepared for the look of absolute pain that engulfs Rachel.

He isn't sure how long she's been at church but the people surrounding her know something is very wrong, he can see the looks of concern that they share and can tell that they are confused. They don't know what's going on.

Even through the worst her pain, when it's so fresh in her heart, Rachel hasn't dragged him through the mud. No one but her sister knows what happened and that's because Cameron had called her before he left.

He swallows back tears, knowing that he doesn't deserve to cry, he's the one that caused her pain and begins to sing the song that he's been strumming while he talked.

The congregation joins in with him and time slips away as he closes his eyes and loses himself in the song.

When he's done and off of the podium he stands in the back hallway against the wall with his eyes closed. The majority of the congregation is seated listening to the pastors sermon but Cameron can't bring himself to go out there.