I can still feel the feel of his tongue against my skin. Bakit ba naulit na naman ang ganito?
All of those memories, those nightmares. It was nothing compare to this.
I treated Rafael as an older brother I wish I had. Magkaibigan kami simula ng mga bata pa kami. But he betrayed me. He violated me.
How could he?
I sat on floor, holding a shard from the broken mirror tightly. Nakikita ko ang repleksyon sa basag na salamin sa harap ko.
I never thought I would hate my own image so much. That I would hate my face. I would hate my body.
I was short yet curvy. Ample bosoms and full hips against the waspy waist. My skin is pale, with pitch black hair and violet eyes from my mother.
Was it enough to seduced Rafael? Did I tempt him to do such thing?
Napaupo ako sa sahig. Naramdaman ko agad ang paghiwa sa binti ng mga bubog sa lapag.
Siguro kasalanan ko nga dahil naniwala ako sa kanya. Dahil hindi ko nagawang manlaban. Dahil mahina ako.
Kasalanan ko.
Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa bubog ng salamin. Marahan kong iyong inangat dinala iyon sa isang kamay kahit na nangingig. Parang may pwersang pumipigil sakin para gawin yon.
Don't do it...
I can hear the voice again inside my head again. A woman's voice. Pero di ako sumunod.
I felt the jagged egde of the shard on my skin. Ramdam ko ang pagbaon noon sa palad ko. Lalo ko pang diniinan habang unti-unti kong hinihiwa pataas iyon sa braso.
Finally, I can feel something. I can feel pain.
"Elle!" Naagaw ang piraso ng salaming hawak ko at hinagis papalayo. Mabilis akong binuhat mula sa lapag at nailipat agad sa kama. I didn't even had enough time to react.
"Stop..stop, mon amour..."
"B-Blade.."
Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. I can feel my heart literary skipped.
He's alive. And I was thankful despite everything.
"Don't do it."
I looked up to him. Nakatitig ang mga magagandang mata niya sa akin. Puno iyon nang pag-aalala.
How I missed him. Siguro kung hindi ako umalis noon, hindi mangyayari ang lahat ng ito.
"Elle--"
"I-I'm not her." I corrected him.
I'm not Elle. I can never be like her.
She's strong and I'm a weakling. Kahit na ilang beses itong nangyari sa kanya, she would never hurt herself like this.
"She...she was trying to stop me.." I told him. "I can hear her inside my head."
He gave a slight nod and sighed.
"Don't hurt yourself again, Nia," he said. Marahan niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "Wag mo akong pag-alalahanin ng ganito. Even the thought of losing you again will kill me."
"But...but..."
Napakagat ako ng labi. Marahan akong lumayo sa kanya. Niyakap ko ang sarili at napahikbi.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...Blade.. Hindi ko siya nalabanan...I was weak...and....he did things to me and--"
"Stop it." Lumapit uli siya at niyakap ako. Sinubukan ko siyang itulak pero lalo lang iyong humigpit.
