OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Yuki Akiyama

Submitted by: Yupphire

Reviewed by: thief_queen

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Fandom or Original Work: Yuki is part of an original work.

Name: Yuki Akiyama
That's a lovely name!

Age: 15
I have nothing against her age, in fact, it's a very common age for original characters. Something I'd just like you to keep in mind, though, is that readers tend to read UP in age, not down.

Race: This part is a bit tricky to explain. Yuki's story takes place in a geographically altered version of our world. She lives in a Japanese-inspired country called Hamasaki country and almost all of her family lives there.
Oooh, I like the twist on our world.

Background: Yuki lived with a foster family for her childhood because her mother died in a war. She lived a happy life until she found out about her powers. Because she lives in an anti-magician town with an anti-magician family, magic users are not tolerated and are often judged, criticized, and abused.
This could be seen as a very Mary Sue background. Dead parents and (I'm assuming) an abused childhood are quite common throughout Wattpad.

Skills: Yuki uses cryokinesis (ice powers) and uses them to shoot icicles, create blizzards, and create weapons out of ice. She has standard magician powers such as jumping high, higher resistances to magic than normal humans, etc.
I love her powers! I'm also very intrigued that there are standard magician powers, I hadn't even thought of things like that.

Sexuality/Significant Other: too spoilery to say
Ah, ok.

Appearance/Distinguishing features: see other

Habits: Yuki is very introspective and has a tendency to overthink things and likes to tell the reader how she thinks and feels about a certain situation. She also tends to dwell on the fact and is frustrated that she can't stop thinking about bad memories.
This is so relatable, I can't even explain. I like how she tells the reader how she's feeling. Is this a direct talk to the reader?

Self-confidence Level: Yuki's confidence can very depending on her mood. In any given situation, she has average confidence. When she is caught in a bad situation, she may have a tendency to blame certain things on herself.
Same.

Personality: Because of Yuki's introspective nature, she's more introverted than extroverted. She tends to be ruled by emotion because of her strong opinions of certain things.
Nice, I like that you included that she's ruled by emotion, I think that's a very critical thing to point out.

Strengths/Weaknesses: (it was easier to group these together) Yuki has very powerful magic because of her powerful family. However, she isn't very skilled for her age due to her anti-magician family. Over time she picks up new techniques, but is overall not very skilled.
I like that you're keeping her pretty unskilled throughout everything. It's making her a ticking time-bomb for something wrong to happen.

Other: I didn't fill in the appearance part because Yuki is on the cover of a book I've been working on called Trapped in Despair.
Alright.

Constructive Criticism: Overall, she's a very wonderful character. Like I mentioned before, consider her age and keep in mind that you might have a younger age range than you might intend. Her background also reminds me of a Mary Sue, but if you write it well enough, it could work.

On another note, I looked up her name and it does appear Yuki is a common Japanese name, which also means snow. I like that it corresponds with her powers, just make sure that either her mother knew what powers she's more than likely have, or it's a nickname given to her. It should be integrated into the text somewhere.

Intrigue: 80%