OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Dollana "Dollie" McGriver

Submitted by: y-youtoo

Reviewed by: thief_queen

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Fandom: Harry Potter

Name: Dollana "Dollie" McGriver
That's a strange name, but I like it!

Plot: Dollana first attended the great school of Hogwarts in Harry's second year. Meeting a shy redheaded girl named Ginny Weasley on the train, the two were fast friends. However, when Ginny started showing weird signs, Dollana forced her to open up. That's when it all went downhill. Whisked away into the chamber the two females went, saved by Harry Potter, and living basically normal lives, until Dollana noticed something. When she was alone, a man would whisper in her ear. Him. Tom Riddle. Dollana could not help it, but she felt controlled by him, again.

(Basically, when Harry destroys the diary, Tom latched himself into Dollana's soul.)
Hmm, I don't know how this would be possible, as he would have to kill another human being (back in the time when he was Tom Riddle) to be able to latch himself onto something else. And as she wasn't born around then, he wouldn't have been able to latch his soul onto her. To me it's a plot based on something that wouldn't be able to happen.

Age: 13

Race: Native American

Background: Being raised by her muggle Grandmother, Dollana and her older brother Aarin had no clue of their Mother's powers. When she got her letter, her Grandmother had to say goodbye to yet another piece of her life, something she didn't want to do.
Why wouldn't her Grandmother tell them that her mother was a witch?

Talent/Skills: Dollana can scream. That's about it. She claims that she is rather good at writing, but it is just because of the false praise her Grandmother had given her growing up.
Can... scream?

Sexuality: Bi-Curious

Friends: Ginny & Luna are her closet ones. After the whole chamber thing her and Harry have made amends. The other Weasley's of Hogwarts known about her, but her quiet personality helps to blend her in.

Significant Other: Ginny Weasley
Ooo, I haven't seen this before.

Appearance: Straight black hair that falls neatly down her back, landing right above her waist. She doesn't bother doing anything with it, other then brushing. Her eyes are a greenish-hazel, a colourful mix of greens and browns. Her skin is tan, but has gotten paler since she's spent less time outside. Her eyebrows are what she calls "wild bushes" and she plucks them often.
I like her eyebrows, haha.

Distinguishing Features: Her hair. It's like silk, like those shampoo commercials. But it's just her genetics.

Habits: Rolling eyes, rocking back on her feet, forgetting things.

Mental Illnesses: As being practically possessed, it has caused her to form some type of Schizophrenia. She had some anxiety before Tom, but not enough to panic over everything.
I don't know, this seems really really forced. Seeing as though it is actually Tom, it wouldn't be Schizophrenia. It would actually be someone talking to her. Maybe others would diagnose it as that, but she wouldn't actually have it.

Self-Confidence: She does have faith in herself, but not enough to take jokes about her lightly.

Ruled by emotion, they're always getting in her way.

Introvert.

Strengths: Her friendship. Her tight bond with Ginny and Luna makes her feel loved, and she knows they'll always have her back. She also can run quite fast.
Does her running skill contribute anything to the story?

Weakness: She's too trusting.

Constructive Criticism: Personally, I know this is harsh, but I can't stand the plot. It's really inaccurate and can't happen in the wizarding world. I honestly don't know how I would change it to make it correct, but with it as it is, I don't know if you could make it have the same plot and be correct. UNLESS she was another child like Harry was. But it would have to be VOLDEMORT who attached to her, not Tom.

And the Schizophrenia is really forced, in what I feel is for romantic effect. Personally, I would cut that out of the book completely.

Then again, this is just my opinion and you don't have to do anything that I'm saying.

Intrigue: 48%, due to inaccuracies with plot and seemingly forced mental illness