OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Priscilla Oshiro

Submitted by: That_Weirdo_Meme

Reviewed by: thief_queen

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Fandom or original work: Original Work

Name: Priscilla Oshiro (Her name is Japanese)

Plot: Priscilla lives in a world where the world is split into two; angels and demons. The angels are the good ones, the ones that everybody adores. They're talented, good looking, kind (Mary Sues, basically). The angels live in a perfect world where everything is calm and loving. The demons, however live in basically Hell. It's not really Hell, but it is extremely close. The houses are run down and dead bodies are found every week. (Hey, they are demons).
This plot is kind of confusing. Are there different realms? Or are there just separate continents? Neighborhoods? I don't really know what the problem is.

Age: It has some of her early childhood, but it starts 9-18

Race: Her mother is African American and her father is Japanese

Background: Priscilla's mother is an angel where her father was a demon, so she's trapped in a realm between the angel and demon world, isolated. Nobody knows she's there but her parents, but they don't know how to get her. Her mother (Courtney) tried telling the council, but they would not believe her. They believe an angel and demon can't have a child together. She tries to escape the realm, but it seems too impossible.
Well, how do her parents know she's there? Can they communicate with her? It seems kind of cliché that she's stuck by herself and needs rescuing, or to save herself. Also, it's kind of strange that the council won't believe her, because from what I know, this is current times. So why hasn't there been people like her, before her? Why is she the first?

Talents/skills: She's pretty good at singing, but that's only because that's basically the only thing she could do trapped in a realm with no wifi, no jump ropes, no books, basically nothing.
This seems pretty Mary Sue-ish, to be good at singing.

Sexuality: She is pretty sure she would be attracted to females, but since she has never left the realm and talked to another person, she is not sure.

Friends: None, but if she met people it would be anyone who wasn't a complete *****

Significant other: Again, lives in an isolated realm

Appearance: She has light brown skin, almond shaped eyes, acne on her forehead, black hair that is usually tangled (she doesn't have a brush)
I like how her appearance is realistic for the situation she's in.

Distinguishing features: When an angel or demon is born, they have a symbol on their shoulders. The angels have a heart with a pair of wings, while the demons have two serpents making an X with a dagger piercing through them. Since Priscilla is half and half, she has a cross between both symbols. Her symbol has two serpents making a heart shaped with wings and a dagger piercing through one of the wings. (I'm just saying, that would be an awesome tattoo)

Habits: She bites her nails a lots

Mental illnesses: none

Self-Confidence level: I'd say around 85%

Introvert or extrovert: introvert

Strengths: She has never had a chance to put her strengths to use, but she is practical minded and loyal

Weaknesses: She would trust people pretty easily, eager to make friends after being isolated. She would also be impatient and short tempered because she never had to wait for anybody her whole life isolated.
I like how she would be impatient and short tempered, that's pretty thought out for the situation she was in.

Extra Notes: Angels and demons don't need to eat, so that's how she survived without food. It's like a game to them.

Constructive Criticism: This might sound pretty harsh, but I'm really not too fond of this character. The plot doesn't really make any sense to me, and it appears as though the character is pretty cliché (has to be saved, hasn't had the chance to do much stuff, classic introvert...)

So I think what I would do, is construct the plot a bit more, figure out what's important to her character and what's not, and figure it out from there.

Intrigue: 45%