OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Paisley Joshua Emmens

Submitted by: TillyLWilson

Reviewed by: thief_queen

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Original Work

Name: Paisley Joshua Emmens

Nicknames: Parsley

Age: 25

Plot: In 2517, The Aníeros invaded Earth; terrorizing cities; killing innocents; destroying ancient monuments and modern buildings alike. The U.N decided to make a deal with the Aníeros. The world would give them a tenth of their population and in return the Aníeros would leave them be for 20 years. However, the British Military decided to build a secret organization, the A.G.A.E, Action Group for Aníeros Extermination.
Ooo, this sounds really interesting, I'd love to hear more.

Race: Human, English

Background: Paisley was born 5 prior to the invasion into a family of four. Her mother, Maria, father, Lucas and twin brother, Demo. When Paisley was 15 she and her brother decided to join the A.G.A.E, despite the constant pleads from their parents about how they would be killed. After 5 years of rigorous training, she was placed into the Eagle team, the elites due to the fact she finished second in her whole class. Her brother however, finished eleventh. He joined the Owls, the 'foot soldiers'. Paisley was joined by her friends Beaver, Lyric, Juno and Casper. Her other teammates either got put into the Owls or the Pigeons, the medics. On her first battle she screamed. A lot. She'd never actually fought in a battle before and the Aníeros looked like 'Demon Spawns', at least that's how she described them. Although she quickly stopped her girlish screams once she became more battle-hardened and experienced. Paisley tries to forget her first battle, as it was rather embarrassing, and denies it every time her friends bring it up.
This is intriguing. I also like that you made her terrified for her first battle, it's super realistic.

Sexuality: Biromantic Asexual

Significant Other: N/A

Clothing: Paisley wears a red, v-neck, buttoned shirt; a black jacket with the A.G.A.E logo [A dove above crossed swords] and the words 'Peace and War' embedded onto the back; white leggings and black knee-high boots.

Height: 5'1"
Dang, she's really short.

Weight: 161 lbs
Is she meant to be overweight for her height? I'm not hating, I'm just wondering and making sure there's not a mistake. To me, it would seem more accurate if she weighed about 130 lbs.

Face Color: Olive

Hair Colour: Titian

Hair Style: Paisley usually wears it in a tight ponytail but if she has a lazy day, not that she ever will, she'll wear it in a messy bun.

Eyes: Dull Green

Other Features: She has a faint monobrow, if mentioned she will rip your arm off and whack you with the soggy end [Quote from my mother], and a bit of hair on her legs.
I actually like that her appearance isn't perfect, adds character.

Distinguishing Features: She has a reddish birthmark on her nape that is sometimes mistaken for a bad burn.

Habits:  Bites her nails, paces when nervous, Walks quickly  Skips breakfast  Shakes her leg constantly [She got this trait from her father and grand father] Swearing [Even in the middle of battle]  Laughs at the wrong time

Mental Illness: She does develop PTSD in her older years
Research this! If it gets written in your book make sure that you're representing this correctly and not romanticizing it.

Other Medical Stuff: She's deaf in one ear
Does she have a special exemption to be in the Eagles? I know at least in the American government she would not be allowed to join.

Self Confidence Level: Paisley is proud of who she is and what she has accomplished in life. She doesn't really care that much for her appearance but she thinks she's decent. As confident as she is, she doesn't boast about herself nor does she stare at herself in the mirror thinking that they are a perfect human specimen. Although she can be cocky at times. Who hasn't?

Ruled by Logic or Emotion/Mix?: 60% Logic and 40% Emotion

Introvert or Extrovert: She's an Extrovert although she does seem like an introvert if you don't know her. If you do, well, god help your sanity.
Relatable.

Strengths: Swordsmanship  Planning Public Speaking  Archery  H2H Combat/Military Combat Motivating  Multitasking  Leadership Teamwork
All good strengths to have for her field of work.

Weaknesses:  Self Defense, Controlling Emotions, Keeping Calm, Always needs to be right Comforting Patience  Bossy  Strict  Has a tendency to make rude, offensive, racist or sexist jokes
I'm glad that she has quite a list of weaknesses, it makes her much more realistic.

Others: She has gallows humor, meaning she laughs about bad stuff rather than making herself feel sad about it

Constructive Criticism: There's not too much for me to criticize on, just make sure you research PTSD and make sure you know what you're doing with her being deaf in one ear, it really needs an explanation for how she got in the military.

Also, check the weight again. Something seems really off about her height and weight. Especially if she's really fit in the military.

Intrigue: 75%, due to inaccurate weight/height combination.