OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Azura Monochrome Evergreen Weasley

Submitted by: Nyandere_Neko

Reviewed by: thief_queen

--------------------

WARNING SPOILERS ABOWT MA BOOK AHED

Name: azura monochrome evergreen weasley
This name... is so extra. I actually really hate it, I'm sad to say. It makes absolutely no sense that she would have three different colors for her name. On top of that, it seems like a really Mary Sue thing to do to your OC.

Fandom: harry potter!!!!!!!!!
OOO, I LOVE HARRY POTTER.

Age : it goes on tthrow out da books but sge starts at twelve.
Pretty normal for Harry Potter fics.

Backsory: azura's parents disappeared when she was 1. She ended up wiv da weasley's, but they hated her except fred and george . She was alaways locked up in a basement and she was abused starved and soon enuf, forgotten. When she was 12 she finaly got her hofworts letar . They didnt kno she existed until then. I wont say anymore in case uf spoilers.!
Umm... what? This seriously makes no sense. Unless she was related to the Weasleys she wouldn't be able to be under their care, and it wouldn't make any sense for the kind Weasleys to hate her and lock her up in the basement.

And I know for a fact that they wouldn't abuse, starve, or forget her. In all, I think that the abuse was added for romantic effect, and I am 100% not a fan.

Looks: she has perfect full lips, prominint cheekbones and warm rainbiw orbs. Her skin is a sunkissed tan and her hair was long straightand navy but it then changes 2 long wavy and pale turquiose . She is 5"5.
"Warm rainbow orbs." I did not think I would ever read that sentence in my life, due to the fact that the colors of the rainbow are bright, and most definitely not warm. Also, her appearance is way too perfect for being abandoned and abused in the basement. Side note: How did her hair change texture?

Strengths: idk
I think every character needs to have strengths. She needs more development.

Weaknesses: she is supar clumsy and has really low self confidince. If i say ahymore it will spoil da story!
Stereotypical Mary Sue weaknesses. Clumsy isn't really a weakness.

Extra info: her wand is just a stick that she made magical. She was born with knowledge and her powers frp birth so she doesnt suffer too badly in tha weaskeys basement. On if her favourite soells is when she taps her back with her wand and a pair of metallik matte rose gold wings come out. She has an invisiblity clowak and if she wears it her wings become invisible too. She is not poor either she has her own secret stash if muney. Akso sge us very good at singing and yer singing can charm oeople. She hass secret cousi s in da story but i wont reveal them cuz spokers!
Oh my goodness, where do I begin. I don't understand how someone can be 'born with knowledge' cause we're all born dumb. Very strange and unrealistic for her to have wings,  not relevant at all.

Also, only one invisibility cloak exists, and she doesn't have it. Another thing, how is she not dirt poor? If her parents abandoned her and the Weasleys hate her, she definitely wouldn't have any money, even if she had tried to hide it. Where did she get this money?

Another note, why can her singing charm people? That seems very forced on her character and totally unrealistic, even for the wizard world.

Talents: she is extremky good at sing and magic.
Stereotypical talents of a Mary Sue.

Constructive Criticism: Personally, I would change her name to something more normal. I'd probably change her backstory to her being the relative of a neighbor of the Weasleys, so she could still have a relationship with Fred and George.

I would also change her appearance to something more realistic. You definitely need to develop her strengths and weaknesses, those need a lot of work. I think I already went over the Extra stuff I'd change in that section so...

SIDE NOTE: Is this a Joke Sue?

Intrigue: 15%, due to being a 2D character who is way overpowered for her situation, and having seemingly no development outside of the plot whatsoever. I'm sorry, but I really don't like this character.