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Shawn and I had broken up exactly a year ago today.
He said he felt like he wasn't home enough, he didn't spend enough time with me, he didn't give me the attention that I deserve and that he didn't want to drive my own attention away from school.
I understood exactly why he wanted to break up and, sure, it was the most heartbreaking thing hearing those words break-up but I dealt with it and I slowly but surely got over it. But, I only think I got over it and him because he wasn't here for me to see. If he were here and I had to see him it would probably change the whole thing.
Good thing about the break-up, though, was that we still stayed friends. We'd known each other since middle school and had been really close in our group of friends so it was just natural that we never drifted apart.
A knock at my door told me that everyone was here for the house party and so I skipped downstairs and greeted everyone who walked through the door. What I didn't expect though, was for the last person to pull me into a hug to be Shawn.
"Uh, hi?" I mumbled confusedly.
"Hey." He smiled down at me. Gosh have I missed that smile. "Brian asked me to come tonight, hope you don't mind."
"I would have invited you myself but I just thought you would have still been touring since, y'know, you're famous and shit now."
"Still not too famous to come to your infamous house parties." He pulled me in for another hug before disappearing into the crowd of our friends.
It was so surreal seeing him in person for the first time in months. I mean, we still called and texted when we broke up but nothing compares to actually seeing him right in front of you after all that time.
The night went on and the house seemed to grow more crowded. I started to realise that people that I wasn't even friends with had decided to show up and my short temper was beginning to crack.
I was in the kitchen, angrily eyeing up a few people who I wasn't familiar with all while talking to Matt and Megan.
"Keep your cool, Y/N." Megan noticed my glares and the tips of my fingers turning white as I clenched them around the glass I was holding. "They'll leave sooner or later. It's okay."
"I'd rather they left sooner." I spoke and harshly placed my glass on the counter and began to angrily storm my way towards the group of intruders.
Do people have no respect these days?
"Woah. Just stop right there." Shawn stepped in front of me and I attempted to walk around him. When that didn't work, I tried pushing him away. And, when that didn't work, I tried ducking under and through his legs. But that only ended in me being lifted over his shoulder and up-stairs into my bedroom.
"What the fuck, Shawn?!" My voice raised when he carefully dropped me down on to the bed. "Why'd you do that?"
"Cause you were in a anger filled rage and I wasn't gonna let you go and humiliate yourself by causing a scene." He sassed with a duh expression on his face.
"Seriously?" I asked rhetorically. "Fuck you."
I don't know why but for some reason, when I turned my back to him, tears brimmed my eyes and silently began to fall.
Maybe it was seeing him after so long that made me cry. Maybe it was because he acted like nothing had changed. Maybe it was because he was acting like he still cared about me.
Maybe it was because I was still in love with him.
"Are you calm now?" He asked. I felt the bed dip on the other side and I assumed he had sat down, too. "No more anger? Temper back to normal?"
"Stop." I intended for my voice to come out fierce and strong. Instead, it came out weak and sad. "Just stop."
"You never used to get this upset when I joked about your temper." He mumbled and I could just imagine him running a hand through his hair in frustration. "What's wrong?"
"I hate you so much." A whimper left my lips after I spoke and I attempted to wipe away some of the tears. That proved to be hopeless because they were just replaced with more. "Why'd you have to come here and fuck everything up? I was doing perfectly fine with you just texting or calling. Everything was fine and you just had to show up and ruin everything."
I felt the bed shift under me and I jumped slightly when Shawn's legs slid down either side of mine until I was between his thighs and his arms were wrapped around my waist with his head in the crook of my neck.
"I only came here because I wanted to see you." He mumbled, his lips every so slightly brushing against the skin on my shoulder. "I miss you."
"You've had a year to tell me this, Shawn. A whole year. Why tell me now?" He didn't get the chance to answer before I started speaking again. "You've had so many opportunities to tell me this and you never did. So why now?"
He sighed and I shivered at the feeling of his breath tickling over my skin.
"I didn't want to ruin anything." He mumbled. "When we broke up it completely shattered me to pieces. God knows how you felt cause I know you loved me to your fullest. But I loved you to my fullest, too. And the fact that we were doing so well at being friends after it; I didn't want to ruin that. I couldn't forgive myself if I ever hurt you more."
The room went silent; then he spoke again. "I still love you, Y/N. And I missed you."
"You have no idea how much I missed you." I leaned back into his chest and slipped my fingers through his with my palms over the top of his hands. "And I still love you, Shawn."
