You're My Destiny - discontinued

Chapter 51

Saturday and Sunday go by painstakingly slow, consisting of non-stop study. Since neither Jenny or Keith study psychology or business, leaving me to cram on my own - which I have no problem with. Monday eventually arrives and I find myself -once again- inside the exaimination room awaiting for the booklet to be placed in front of me.

One hour and fourty-five minutes later, my psychology exam is finished and I rush to get to the next and last exam. Business turns out to be be the easiest exam so far and I finish it with thirty minutes to spare. Although I am permitted to leave once I have completely finished the paper, I choose to stay put just because it gives me a sense of assurance.

I sit in silence, going over Harry's words last night. He sounded so.. odd. Like he had something to say, but was hesitant to let it out. He said he was afraid of something. But afraid of what? He shouldn't be afraid. I should be afraid. Heck, I am afraid. But it's normal for me to be afraid. My biggest fear is that I will love Harry so much that when the time comes when he realises I'm out of date, he will leave. And it'll feel like one hundred daggers sinking into my stomach. I feel the sting now just by thinking of it.

I know that one day Harry won't be in my life before because I know that happiness never lasts. But knowing it beforehand doesn't help the alarm lessen. Harry and I are not forever, even though Harry says he is in this for the long run, I just don't see it happening. He is too good for me; too sweet and too filled with life and optimism. While I on the other hand, struggle getting out of bed each day knowing that a have no purpose in this world and I'm better off gone.

He is the good, I am the bad. He is the light, I am the darkness. He is the only thing keeping me going and that's why I'm so afraid of him leaving. He has consumed every part of me and without him I wouldn't be able to function and I hate that I let myself get to this point. I lost control of my mind, my feelings and my emotions and they are all going crazy on this roller-coaster.

All this is why I don't understand why Harry would be afraid. He has nothing to be afraid of.

The sound of chiming pulls me out of my thoughts, signalling the end of the exam. Multiple groans and pens being angrily slammed down onto the plastic grey tables are heard around from people who are obviously not happy with themselves or were not able to finish.

We are dismissed and I hastily pick up my bag. Once I'm out of the room, I dig for my phone somewhere in the bottomless pit. Successfully retrieving the device, I turn the screen in to see nothing. Nothing from Harry, even though he's supposed to be meeting me somewhere here. I'm not too sure where he wanted to meet because I am certainly not going to the car park and Harry can't really roam around my school looking for me without being noticed.

Maybe his plane was delayed and that's why he isn't able to contact me.

Or he ditched you, stood you up or completely forgot about your existence, my conscience adds and I want to slap her even though her arguments seem valid.

I choose to stick to my theory and make my way out the school through the rusty iron gates.

I suddenly stop when realisation hits me. This is the last time I will be at this school. The last time I will be at this premises. For the last five and a half years when I moved to this side of Melbourne, this school has been my refuge from Linda's hell. The auditorium has been my sanctuary, my getaway from when I had no other escape.

Before I know it, I'm walking back into the gates of the school. Without even needing to think, I find myself in the auditorium centre stage and looking out at the empty vicinity, wishing it was full with cheering people. The amount of times I have been been on is countless and I'd consider it my second my second home if I had a first home. I feel more at home on stage than I do at Linda's house and it's painful knowing that this will be the last time on the stage.