You're My Destiny - discontinued

Chapter 35

My big, imposing, impenetrable wall that hides all my dark secrets and memories threatens to collapse when Harry’s large hand guides me through the building and a dark silver car comes into my view. My knees start to wobble, literally, and I have to grip on Harry arms to prevent myself from crumbling to the hard ground as we both stride towards the vehicle.

“Are you okay?” Harry worries.

I nod to convince myself. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

No you can’t, my dad’s voice reminds me. You can’t do anything, you pathetic little piece of shit.

Why can’t he just leave me alone? He’s already done so much damage, and now he’s keeping me from living a normal life. It’s his fault that I’m struggling in a normal every day situation of getting into a car. I just want that monster out of my life. I always tend to forget the things I should remember, and remember the things I want so badly to forget. But it’s hard to forget about a person that did you wrong when all you wanted was for them to love you back and to know what you did for them to despise you so much.

A beeping noise pulls me out of my thoughts, followed by the sound of an opening car door.

“Hop in,” Harry encourages gently.

Just a small, quick glance of the interior of the car is enough to send me off the edge, and makes vomit to rise up in my throat.

“I’m sorry, I just need a second,” I excuse myself while covering my mouth and gulping to push the bile back down as I increase my proximity from the car.

I turn towards the wall and away from Harry, refusing to let him to see me like this. After three years of walking, buses, trains, trams and avoiding cars at all costs, I’m finally going to face my phobia. Even though it may not seem like it, but this is a big step of bravery for me. I can’t even handle the fact that there is a car right behind me; much less give myself a pep talk to step into one. I don’t even understand why cars are used anyway, they’re dangerous. Unlike humans they can’t respond and can strike an individual without prejudice. Oh God, some pep talk Beth. I only made myself more anxious.

 Stop it Beth. Man up. It’s just a car for God’s sake. Be strong. For once in your damn life, stop being so weak.

I turn back at to Harry, only to tremble once again when my eyes land to the big piece of metal in front of me. The headlights of the car seem to be staring at me threateningly and I swear I see it smirk at me, like it had a mind of its own and is planning something sinister. I gravitate towards Harry when my bottom lips starts to quiver and tears threaten to spill at the rim of my eyes. He opens up his arms for me, as if he knew his comfort is exactly what I need right now.

I plunge into his body, like my life depended on it. One of his hands traces the outline of a circle above my shoulder blade, while the other tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Everything’s going to be okay, I’ll be by your side the whole time. I won’t let anything happen, trust me,” he says genuinely as he pulls back slightly so we could see each other’s face.

“It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s everyone else on the road,” I say breathily before Harry wipes a tear off the apple of my cheek.

“You can’t let that stuff keep you from living your life.”

His words are nothing but the truth, and I’m giving my all to let go of all my irrational fears. We stay in the position for a moment before I pull back while intertwining my hand with his, which seems to make Harry ecstatic due to the giddy smile plastered on his face.

“I’m ready now,” I say shakily, even though I wasn’t at all ready for what was about to come.

We walk to the car that is only a couple metres away, with me leading the way with the false-confidence I have seemed to accumulate. As we get closer, my breath starts to quicken but I ignore my apprehension, I didn’t come all this way for nothing. But I suddenly get pulled back and hit Harry’s rock-hard chest unexpectedly.