One Day is All You Need (Kellin Quinn fanfiction)

Chapter Three

I hope you guys like this chapter. It was...I can't even describe what it was like for me to write it. But yay! Two chapters in one day, yay! and Kellin kind of comes into this chapter :) anyways, you know the drill. ENJOY, VOTE AND COMMENT! :) ily<3

When it was over, I lay quietly in bed as I waited for Diane and Emily to get back and go to bed before taking another shower. I scrubbed every inch and crevice of my body for a good hour and a half.  I felt so disgusting because tonight, he didn’t do it once, or twice, but three times. All back to back with little to no time between.

            That shows me to hope for anything good to happen to me. Every time I did, I was wrong. Kevin wasn’t done with me, not by a long shot. I hadn’t read the situation wrong before. And I hadn’t won a battle when he walked out. I could never win.

            After stepping out of the shower, my skin was lobster red from my vicious scrubbing and as I looked at my reflection in the streaky mirror, I asked myself, “Why me?” There were dark circles under my eyes not simply from running make-up. My hair was always a mess, even when I tried to fix it. My teeth were crooked and my nose was too big for my face. There were rolls of fat hanging from my sides, thighs and arms. My face was marked with years of acne not even the strongest and heaviest make-up could cover. There was nothing remotely attractive about me, so why did he choose to do this to me?

            Why not Emily? She was young, fit and ten times more beautiful than I could ever hope to be.

I know it’s wrong to wish someone to be raped, but I couldn’t help but think it. She was always begging for his love and affection. Why didn’t he give it to her? I never asked for any of this.

And what about Diane? Even with her wrinkles and graying hair she was prettier than me. And she’s his wife, for Christ’s sake! He’s supposed to sleep with her, not me or anyone else.

Tears filled my eyes as I continued to stare at my ugly naked body in the bathroom mirror, covered in scars both old and new. In fact, the blade was calling me right now. I wanted to run to it, knowing the comfort I’d find and remembering how it felt with the tension left my body in little rivulets of red blood down my skin. I wanted it more than anything at this moment.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t. I promised Kris I’d try to stop and I’ve been clean for sixteen days. After the last time when I’d cut so deep I passed out, she made me promise to at least try. That was almost three weeks ago. They haven’t been good or easy weeks either, but I could see in Kris’s eyes how proud she was when she found no new cuts on my skin. I wanted her to keep being proud of me. She was my best and only friend. I couldn’t stand to disappoint her like that.

I just didn’t know how much longer I could go without it.

“Taylor!” I jumped at the sound of my name. It had been silent moments ago, I was sure of it. I thought maybe Emily needed the bathroom, but it wasn’t her voice screaming my name.

“No,” I muttered, scrambling to put my clothes on and get to my room as realization hit me.

“Taylor! Taylor! Taylor!” They screamed in my ears over and over again.

“They’re not real,” I kept repeated, pulling my shirt over my head and fumbling with my sweat pants.

“We’re as real as you are, Taylor,” a single female voice said to me.

“No,” I cried quietly. After pulling on the pants, I charged for the door, only to find it was locked. I turned the lock and pulled the door again, but it wouldn’t budge. Over and over again I did this to no avail.

After a while, I knew trying to get out was pointless. I sank to the ground, back against the door and knees pulled into my chest with my hands over my ears in hopes to drown them out. I guess you can’t drown out the things that are in your head.

Soon, their mantra changed from calling my name to shouting, “Ugly, worthless, useless!” They continued to shout, getting louder and louder. Soon the words were jumbled together but I could still hear every word.

One voice rose over the others. It was the woman’s again. She sounded like Diane. “Do it, you filthy whore! Take the blade and shove it into your wrist. It’s what you deserve, you fat, ugly bitch! Do it! Do it! Do it!” She was screeching so loudly I thought my eardrums would burst.

I gave up. I jumped up from the grimy floor and ran to the drawer pulling out a shiny razor blade. I didn’t think about it before I pushed the sharp edge into my skin, dragging it across, the skin ripping in my haste. Red blood poured from the deep cut, dropping to the floor and sink. I paid no mind and made another cut. Then another, and another, and a few more, before moving onto my stomach and hips.

The more blood I lost, the quieter the voices became. I went to make another cut when a different, sweeter voice filled my ears. I recognized the voice immediately. A little feminine, beautiful and smooth like velvet. The voice was speaking, but singing my favorite song. The song that somehow always brought me back from the brink of whatever cliff I was about to hurl myself off of. “I can save you. If you ask me, just ask me to. There’s hope for you tonight.” Kellin.

The tears that had faded came back and I took a good look at the damage I’d done to my once healing skin. It was drenched in my own blood, by my own doing. How much more pathetic can I get from sitting on my bathroom floor, draining the blood from my own body?

Weakly, I stood up from the floor and faced my reflection for the first time. My hair was starting to dry and was standing on end. Dry tears left streaks down my cheeks, making the bags under my eyes more predominant. I looked like a fucked up drug addict.

“You act like you are afraid of who you are. I’m afraid for you. Try, trust and believe in me. I can show you that there’s so much more. There’s still hope for you. Let me show you I can save you.” I could see his face every time I closed my eyes. His black hair was framing his beautiful face, his blue-green eyes looking right into my soul. In my mind, he looked like he actually was afraid for me. But I knew it was just my imagination. The real Kellin Quinn wouldn’t care whether I lived or died. He wouldn’t even notice if I left this world tonight.

“Don’t give up just believe I will be right there when your hopes and your dreams are on the line.”

Still, knowing all of this, I knew I couldn’t do it. Not just for him, my guardian angel, but for my best friend. Besides, I had to show Kevin and Diane that they wouldn’t beat me. No, I refuse to let them win.

With this new found will, I cleaned up the blood and wrapped my cuts in gauze before making my way to my bedroom where I shoved my earphones in my ears and blared Sleeping with Sirens all night long while I fell into a deep, and thankfully dreamless sleep.