Something New IV (Completed)

Chapter 34

July 2012

One thing I love about NY is that when it's the summer, the heat does not play. Some may find the temperature unbearable, but I love it. This gives me the excuse to be outside chilling with my friends and family while my moms barbeque some good ass food on the grill. Drink some cold ass beer and just enjoy the fact I able to witness another summer. Not too many people are able to live throughout another season, so I am blessed to be able to do so.

Currently I am chilling on the steps of my apartment building, drinking some beer with my home girl. While we are enjoying this weather, I am also enjoying the fine ass women who are walking passed with their little ass shorts on and their crop top shirts that can basically be bras. Damn am I thankful for the summer.

"Jay, do you ever think about how we will die?" Foxy asked making me look at her like she was crazy as hell. Here I was staring at these fine ass broads and she bring some bullshit up.

"The fuck Fox? Why would I think about some shit like that." I was 25 and living my life, death was the last thing that was on my mind.

She shrugged her shoulders and played with the beer that was in her hand. "I'm just curious that's all. Sometimes I just sit back and think you know...life is tough sometimes not even worth living. So, I think to myself what if...what if I decide my own fate and just end it all."

I stared at her as those words left her mouth. Did she just admit to wanting to kill herself? Naw that can't be, she talking bullshit right now.

"Foxy, we all got fucked up issues, sometimes life does get hard, but don't tell me your life is that fucking hard to the point where you just want to kill yourself. Ma that shit will not be right if you do something like that."

"But what if it is? What if life would be better without me?" I just shook my head and decided not to respond to that. I don't know why the fuck she even has that thought in her head.

When Foxy noticed I wasn't going to entertain that "I want to kill myself" bullshit she dropped the subject and went back to drinking her beer. When she was done she told me she was leaving to meet up with her dude.

Not thinking much to it, I nodded my head and told her I would see her later.

But I should have known she was crying out for help. I should have taken what she said seriously and known she was serious about trying to end her life.

That same night Foxy went home to take an entire bottle of sleeping pills. If her boyfriend had not gone to her house that night, then Foxy would have overdosed.

Foxy attempting suicide that night had me fearing for her life because I did not know she was suicidal nor did I even know the reasons as to why she would even feel that way.

But after that night I deem that I would always by her side and be there for her so that this wouldn't happen a second time.

Tear drops fell from my eyes as I thought about Foxy first time trying to commit suicide. Til this day I never knew why she did it. She never wrote a letter that night explaining her reasons, nor she talk about it once she recovered. She had moved on from it as if it never happened.

But now she has finally succeeded if you want to put it in that way.

When I spoke to Logan over the phone, she had told me that the paramedics told her that Foxy still had a chance of surviving. Said the chances were slim but by the Grace of God she would be alive if she fought through this.