Him & I

Part 14

After their second night of sexual endeavours, Felicia finally left and didn't leave her number for him. This helps Peter in a way because a part of him felt guilty for sleeping around. It wasn't the fact that he's never done it before but it was the fact that it felt like he's cheating on Laura. But then again she's dead and he's sure that she's never coming back. She would have been back by now right? Laura's been dead for 6 months now so that's an indicator that she's never coming back right? Peter didn't know. He just had pent up guilt about sleeping round. He's always had a sense of guilt when he's done something he's not used to.

Most would see him sleeping around as a way to cope with the pain. A way to forget that the pain even existed by replacing it with physical pleasure. Peter isn't even sure if actually finds Felicia that attractive. Maybe it was the pain finding a way to play tricks on him. He hasn't even tried to be Spider-Man since that second day. Peter honestly doesn't want to be Spider-Man anymore. Spider-Man was his way of trying to make everything right for all the people he knew that had to deal with pain and suffering. Then it became an adrenaline rush of knowing he can do great things for other people with keeping everyone safe.

Maybe the pain of losing Laura was also masking itself as guilt. Guilt that he couldn't save her. Guilt of knowing he let her walk through that door and lose her life because others saw her as a threat rather than someone they could help. He just felt so guilty. But having sex with Felicia sat at the top of the pyramid. He felt as if he was cheating on her. But he wasn't because she was dead. But he still felt that guilt. It sat heavy on his heart and mind. He loved her so much and if she truly is never coming back, she would understand right? Laura went through so much pain when she was younger and even right before she died.

He's been through a lot too. Would she understand? Would she understand that he's just trying to mask the pain that he's been through? Clearly drinking wasn't going anywhere for him. Maybe sex was the next best option. It made him physically feel good. Sex usually does make someone physically feel good. Mentally though he didn't know. As of right now he felt that guilt. So in a way it was having negative effect on him. Should he do it again if he's given the chance? He doesn't know. It was all just so confusing to him and he didn't know what to do. Most men his age would be the cockiest shits you ever met after getting laid like that. Not him.

Maybe it is his love for Laura. You never actually stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them. But he doesn't want that. He didn't put a ring on her finger for no goddamn reason. Peter wanted her in his future. He wants her right here and right now, wrapped in the sheets with him, tracing shapes on his abdomen. Him telling her how much he loves her and that he promises to protect her from everything. He smiling a genuine smile because of how amazing she thinks he is. Only someone like him could put that smile on her face. They were each other's everything.

Now Peter is furious. He didn't try hard enough to keep her out of harm's sticky, nasty hands. He didn't try hard enough to get another solution. Peter feels responsible for her death now. He could've done so much more and he didn't. Guilt. GUilt. GUIlt. GUILt. GUILT! It ate him up so much that he doesn't even want to get out of bed but he knows he has to. The bills aren't going to be paying themselves. Then the very last thought crossed his mind. Maybe he was feeling guilty because she will be coming back to life. He just doesn't know when.