All My Life

Chapter 1

"Sweetheart, it's okay if you don't." Meryl choked; she absolutely hated this was the first thing on his mind when he woke up. She was worried she put way too much pressure on him to remember. Maybe she hadn't been telling him all those stories. She shouldn't have reacted the way she did when he didn't remember Maine. If she hadn't ran off then he wouldn't have been so upset. He wouldn't have been so distraught about hurting her. "Really, I just need my Don; you and our children are all I want and need. I don't care about movies or our properties or our cars or vacations. I just need you, Don Man; memories or no memories."

Her words brought tears to his eyes when he though about all they had gone through; he reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand as she sat on the bed facing him. "I do remember, Darl, I remember everything."

"Baby, I was talking to you on the way here in the ambulance." Meryl told him. "That's probably..."

Don shook his head. "I know you did; and I love you for it. I remember everything, baby. I remember our awful dream on Christmas Eve and then going to bed with you Christmas night so damn happy because here we created a baby out of our love and desire for each other; not knowing it was twins." Don said as he stroked her cheeks. "I remember the glow on your cheeks as you grew with our baby; well, babies. I remember every doctor's appointment. I remember talking to and kissing your belly; listening to the heartbeat with the home ultrasound. I remember the awful fear when Dana tried to take you away from me; I was so terrified he was going to drop you. Every hospitalization. Your baby shower. Your birthday. Your sweet surprises for me when you were on bedrest. I remember the look of love in your eyes when I asked you to marry me the night before you were stitched up for the preterm labor and then again after you brought our babies into the world, and I almost lost you. I remember the fear when you flatlined. I remember the feeling of holding our babies in my arms for the first time; and their smell." Don cried. "I remember holding you as you were still out from your surgery as I held Mags in my other arm. I remember feeling you in my arms, the feeling of your purple silk pajamas on my fingers, as we danced in the hospital the night after you brought our babies into this world on our 34th anniversary. I remember seeing you walk towards me when my parents got married. Our stolen kisses. Our stolen glances. I remember every diaper change. Every midnight feeding. This isn't pictures, this isn't you talking to me; it's back, baby. I remember."

"Don!" Meryl cried as she kissed all over his face. "I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you or..."

Don placed a finger on his lips. "You have NEVER pressured me, sweetheart. It is because of your presence, your encouragement and your unconditional, life changing love that I remember. You brought me back, Darl."

"I'm so happy for you." Meryl cried as she pressed her forehead to his. "I mean that, for YOU, if you hadn't remembered it would NOT change the way I look at you or how damn much I love you."

Don shook his head. "I know that, baby; but I can't imagine what you have gone through. I know how it felt when you didn't know..."

"You ALWAYS knew me; and our love and our family." Meryl said strongly. "Yes, you didn't remember the babies but you immediately feel in love with them."

Don smiled softly. "I don't have to rely on stories anymore; I remember. I remember every look. Every smell. Every touch. I am so sorry I did this to you..."

"NO!" Meryl said strongly. "Don't you apologize for that. You didn't put me through ANYTHING. THEY did this to you."

Don threaded his fingers through hers. "About this afternoon, I hope you know I would NEVER hurt myself, or you or the babies; everything was just..."

"You do NOT need to explain to me, Donald Gummer." Meryl whispered with a kiss to his lips. "I know that better than anything. You aren't unstable or crazy or unraveling or whatever the hell else. You lost 11 months from your life; you were having the break down you so rightly deserved. Baby, I remember how it felt when I came out of my 5 minute amnesia. I can't even imagine what you have gone through. I just hope I was loving and patient and understanding like you..."