MONTGOMERY 7 : Free Fall

Ika-anim na Tugtog

Hi Inspirados!

New Beginning

January 1, 2018

'Happy New Year, Angelo.'

Saying this is like whispering in thin air, wishing that it will be delivered to you but at the same time, I hope it wouldn't.

Sa totoo lang, I don't know why I'm still doing this. Maybe to say goodbye to my habits? Bad habits. Para matapos na, para matigil na 'to. We may not be talking or seeing each other right now but my heart is still beating for you. Hindi na ata mag babago 'yon pero sabi nga nila, Change is the only constant thing in the world. For sure, a year from now, marami ng mag babago.

I hope you're doing okay.

If the time will come, the time when you'll hear these recordings, sana kasama mo ako, tinatawanan ang boses ko na hindi alam kung paano itago ang sakit at saya. At that time, sana isang biro nalang sa atin ang nangyari, then everything will go back to its original place.

Today, I'm missing you...

Today, I want to say good bye.

This is my last. Goodbye.

A day without him is hard. A month is harder. A year without hearing his voice nor seeing him is the hardest.

Sabi nila, kinaya ko naman daw mag bakasyon ng wala siya noon, tatlong buwan? Limang buwan? Pitong buwan?

Bakit hirap daw ako ngayon?

The answer is simple. I'm maybe in vacation in those times but I still get to see him. We're doing video calls, non stop voice calls and the fact that when I'll go back home, he'll be there...

'Yon lang, okay na sa akin dati pero ngayon... alam kong kahit anong mangyari hindi ko siya pwedeng makita dahil pinili ko 'to. I can't just go around against my words. Mauulit lang ang lahat, hindi na matatapos ang sakit, kailangan kong tiisin para sa sarili ko at para sa lahat ng nakapaligid sa amin.

Yes, it is hard. Sobra-sobra. Yung nakaka-ubos na sakit. The more I want to see him, the more I feel the pain.

Ang daming kailangan mag-bago. Before, when I hear a good news, siya agad ang maiisip ko o tuwing malungkot ako, siya rin ang takbuhan ko pero ngayon kailangan lahat mag bago 'non.

I need to independent. I need to grow. I need to do the things that I forgot I am capable of doing myself because he was doing those things for me.

Pero saan ako mag sisimula?

Paano?

'Paano'

Matamis akong napangiti sa narinig na tanong mula sa babaeng nag i-interview sa akin.

"Paano mo nagawang ipunin lahat ng recordings na 'to? At pwede ba naming malaman kung anong laman ng mga ito? There are rumors saying that these are your daily thoughts about your unrequited love. Totoo ba 'yon, Ms. Zabel?"

I bit my lower lips and shyly smiled. Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa ginawang pag-amin.

There's no point in hiding it. Hindi naman ako showbiz na tao para itago ang isang bagay na hindi ko naman kinakahiyang naramdaman ko.

"What a rumor, napaka-precise naman." Komento ko na siya namang kina-hagikgik namin ng nag i-interview.

Tumango-tango siya habang ang mata ay muling dumako sa kahon ng cassette tapes na hiniling nilang dalhin ko sa first interview ko bilang isang song writer.