MONTGOMERY 7 : Free Fall

Ika-apatnapung Tugtog

Song: I Choose by Alessia Cara

Nahirapan akong isulat ang chapter na ito. Honestly the whole story was hard for me to write, maybe... kasi... it speaks about moving on, giving yourself a second chance in love, jumping into uncertainty if it will even ever happen. Noong isang araw, I asked in my Wattpad Wall if, paano ba mag move on. If there is even a perfect formula for it, kasi ako mismo... nasa proseso pa. Kaya mahirap sa akin kasi ako mismo hindi sigurado. But recently, the past days, I am getting better. Kaya... nakuha ko matapos ang chapter na to. Napaka galing nga ng timing, sakto... it has been almost a year of needing to move on, yet a chapter before this, pakiramdam ko hindi pa ako gumagalaw mula sa kinatatayuan ko—isang taon na ang nakaraan. But... exactly this day, I got my heart broken last year. A year after, I felt a part of it healing. Eksakto sa kabanatang ito. Hindi ko alam paano, bakit... pero masaya ako. 

So for everyone that is going through the process of moving on, it doesn't have to be romantically speaking, even in friendships or any kind of relationship, just hold on... akala ko rin noon wala na, I even thought na baka hindi na ako magiging genuinely happy—I know hindi totoo yon pero at that point, yun ang naramdaman ko, pero a year after... I am smiling, laughing, not yet there pero... working on it. It is possible. It will happen at that moment you're not even expecting it to happen. Basta wag ka titigil, hakbang lang, pag napagod, pahinga ka... pero lakad ulit. 

Hopefully this chapter can resonate that as well.

I love you.

Silently wished

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

Pabalik na kami galing sa University. We walked hand in hand and I never felt more relaxed. A part of me is in pain for Angelo, hindi na siguro mawawala iyon, I will always silently care for him. He is my bestfriend after all, pero sa kabila ng lahat, kahit makasarili isipin, gusto ko pa rin maniwala na makilala niya ang para sa kanya at pag dumating ang araw na 'yon, he will finally understand.

Malabo lang sa ngayon, because he's hurting, tulad noon... ako rin, kahit na umalis ako para makalimot, malaki ang parte sa akin na takot—takot na baka hindi na ako makausad. That maybe... I wouldn't be able to move on, or if I did, baka piliin ko pa rin na hindi na mag mahal ulit, o baka mag mahal nga ako pero hindi matatapatan ang intensidad ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

I had various thoughts and fears. Paulit-ulit araw-araw, nilulukob ang puso ko, parang hindi matatapos, it almost felt impossible.

But slowly... like a withdrawal... makakahinga ka rin, nakahinga ako. Unti-unti, bumabangon na ako, binubuo na ang araw ko ng mga gawain na hindi ko magawa dati dahil iniisip ko na baka mag kita kami, baka kailangan niya ako, o kung ano-ano pa na patungkol sa kanya.

Moving on is hard.

Complicated even.

Walang tamang formula para rito. Kahit ako na napagtagumpayan iyon, hindi ko pa rin masasabi kung paano.

But one thing is for sure, that change is constant, minsan... hindi comforting marinig 'yon, especially the discomfort associated with it, pero sa aspetong to, change is what we should hold on to.

Na lahat nag babago. Hindi ka pang habang buhay malungkot, marahil mukhang imposible sa una pero kalaunan... aayos din. Ngingiti ka rin. Sasaya. Tatawa.

That—yes, I believe so, that... the happiest days of your life did not even happen yet.

Na totoo ang nababasa natin tungkol sa hindi pa natin nakikilala ang lahat ng taong mag mamahal sa atin.

I believe so...

I wanted to believe so...

Kahit masakit. Gusto ko maniwala.