Depression Is My Kryptonite

Unhappy

It was most definitely unhealthy to try to shove those emotions that I have for you down, just to see if I could still hear the sound of my heart jumping in my chest. To see if I could still smile and be happy without forcing that upside down frown. To see if I could feel that sense of emotional freedom while doing the simplest of things or to see what was inside my brain...
This day without you was full of forced smiles, compressed emotions and my brain was still stuck on the thought of you. My chest has sounded empty and dead beneath that layer of skin and bone.
You've become my wonder wall and I can't get enough. I'm completely infatuated with you, even if it's just the thought of us together like I want us to be. That's not going to happen anymore, I am most definitely sure. You are what I want and you are what I need and you are the one that makes me feel complete. Not grabbing this phone and immediately spilling my guts felt wrong and deceitful, like I was just trying to quit. But now I know that I'm an addict, and that you are my drug. There's no fix big enough to make me not want to come back for more. I'm starting to feel things that I've never felt and I can tell that I'm going to have experiences and surprises this upcoming year and I know that this is really real. Reality and me are doing okay, but there's still a mental picture of you and me in that tree as high as can be. All we are doing is holding on, as if we'd been doing it all along. But we're going to fly when we can be together for the first time. When all of the walls are dropped and the tears can finally fall, when I can tell you in person that you're my wonderwall. I am not hiding and compressing anymore, the door is open to the outside world. I took a break to settle everything, to make sure that all that I was feeling was real. Oh, was it. There has been so many hidden breakdowns today, hiding in my room with the emotions and the lights all cut off.

I can't not accept this any longer. What I feel is real and I know that it'll keep being real for as long as we let it be and there's nothing stopping you and me.