Depression Is My Kryptonite

I'm So Confused

I keep rereading our writings. In the notebook and here. And we seemed so happy, even when we're in pain we still talk about the other like we're never going away. My mom keeps telling me that you didn't give me enough time to show you how much of an awesome person I am. I really hope you change your mind. I'm so tired of being alone. I really wish I could hug you. That you would hold me and tell me that everything is alright. The feelings in my chest are giving me the impression that this isn't the end. That you're just teaching me a lesson. I hope they're right. I also see your pain from my negativity. Rereading some of this helped. I just have to stop lying to myself. But I'm curious. Why now? Why not at least try to make it right? What are you hiding that's been making you act so strange? Why did you cross so much of what you wrote out of our notebook? Was I just a rebound? Do you have any intentions of ever letting me try again? Are you just done with me? Did I make everything worse? Do you just not want to go on adventures anymore, or wait for me after you graduate, or have any kind of future with me? Most of me still believes that we'll still do all those things together. That you'll kiss me, that you'll hold me, that you'll still love me tomorrow. Maybe I really am insane. But, I am so worried about you right now. I thought you didn't want to be alone anymore. So why did you just end it? What the hell is going on? You cried too, so you have some kind of emotions towards what happened. You told me to move on. Why? You also told me to keep the jacket. Why? I have so many questions. Why did you try to use her as an excuse, when you've already said that you moved on? If it was such an awesome month, why not have another? I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and that I can't seem to leave you alone. You probably won't read this, though. I don't even know if you want to talk to me anymore, not after seeing my crazy side. But I'm fucking terrified. And these scenarios that I'm creating aren't helping. I don't know what to think. Maybe tomorrow everything will be a but clearer. I'm sorry if I cry when I see you. I'll probably beg you for forgiveness. I'm just sorry that you feel this way and I'm curious as to why. Maybe just a stupid impulsive decision? Or maybe you don't feel worth it? I don't fucking know anymore bab. I'm so confused. I thought that I was your Advanced Borrower, your Love. Did I lose my title?