Depression Is My Kryptonite

The Good Girlfriend: Once and For All

I've always been the second choice,  the rebound, the regret, the friend, the sister, and so many more that my brain can't even place. Although, I think I'd make a great girlfriend. This is probably just my random boost of self confidence talking, but I think I could be. If someone with enough patience and love in their heart could take the time to get to know me and help me be reassured when I fall off and start having doubts. Underneath all of my shields and masks, behind all of the walls I put in place for protection that are now more harmful than ever. Someone who's willing to give me a second chance, I could show them. I can be fun, and as clingy as I am, I can show even more love and affection. I can open my mind up to believe things that I actually think I believe inside, I just have a hard time accepting about myself. I could stop harming myself, physically and mentally. I could learn to not be so selfish as well as learn some self love. I could deserve the titles, I could be positive. I just know that I can't do it alone, I'm the kind of person that needs someone else around to convince me that there's a reason to keep going. Even in my numbness this morning, I still did a harmful thing to myself. I went back to my old ways for a while. Not even because of anything other than myself. That's why I can't be left alone, not anymore. I've always been alone in some way or another throughout my entire life. But now? Now, I know that a loving relationship is what I need to keep these tune ups going. Someone I can turn to and someone that can turn to me. No secrets, no lies. Just us being open with each other, that's all it takes to help me fix things. That's all I want, is that too much to ask for after all of the bullshit I've dealt with? And all of the people that decided to leave when I needed them the most? I don't think so. I just need someone gracious and kind enough to give me that chance to show them what I'm truly capable of once and for all.