Depression Is My Kryptonite

Disappearing Act

If I had a choice in the matter, you and I would leave tonight. We'd venture off to our fantasy world together and never even think of looking back. I don't feel like myself right now to be totally honest, but I'm holding on for dear life so that over the course of the next week I can see you for what will feel like the first time...

Isn't it so strange that some random person that you see out and about, or who's a friend of a friend or who you decided to help out because they dated your ex and they tried to break them although they were already broken just like yourself, could somehow someday in some magical way become what you may call a soulmate?

Now I know that we're both young and that we've been told to wait until we're older, but I'm tired of being told to wait. I could be dead tomorrow, the apocalypse could start in three days, my entire family could be murdered in a few seconds and I wouldn't even know. I've decided that I hate waiting and always living for tomorrow when tomorrow will never come. All that's left is today. But for some reason I'll still mostly comply to my torturous rules, but maybe one day I'll break that spell that makes me dwell.

I think that I want to disappear, everything feels so weird and I'm a bit out of it. And I know that you've gone away, although I'm still here. I'll always just be here because I'm stuck. I hate the rules, but I bend to them. My heart tells me to be free, but my brain tells me to comply. How would we live if it were just you and I?

I want to dissapear. It could be like a magic trick. We could round up all of our friends and family and close the curtains and leave them there pondering what's happening backstage until they realize that it was all just a disguise for us to hide from them and all of the lies...

Hiding is terrible. Especially when you feel as though if you didn't you would surely die. It hurts to cram yourself into a shell and make it seem like everything's swell when really everything is just swelling up inside. You can run but you can't hide. I learned that from you and I...

It's funny because I have the feeling in my chest that I'll be caught soon, talking to you. But I don't care. You make me feel like I could fly, even when I don't really want to die. I don't think anyone's ever made me feel that way other than when it's between you and me...

It was odd when I first realized that I liked you to be honest, I caught myself off guard by my own heart. Yet when we started talking everything felt so real and that's when I wrote that first page of pain. I was angry at no one else but me for liking you, for pulling another victim into the agonizing light that I am shrouded in. I'm sorry that I sucked you inside of the maze of parades and charades...

But I'd like to thank you for the new idea for a disappearing act...

Even though it'll surely give us both a heart attack...