Depression Is My Kryptonite

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Everything just got warm.
Not warm, hot.
Like my blood is starting to boil.
Only on the inside though.
The cold warmth has held up.
It's always there.
But sometimes it gets worse.
Like now.
It feels like my insides are residing in a pit of lava.
Floating around in the consuming warmth.
I don't know.
My body just got that sinking feeling that I told you about.
And my brain feels like it's going to explode from a combination of warmth, pain, and pressure.
It's just a decline.
A side effect from having a good day despite the bullshit people tried to pull.
And the frustration that was a result of them and their infuriating ways.
But I powered through it.
Having you here made me feel like I wasn't so lonely.
You made me laugh and smile and feel true comfort.
It always feels like it's been forever since the last time we hung out on our own.
But it wasn't even a week.
Funny, huh.
I don't know.
I liked most of today.
After you joined.
You have this way of just making everything better.
Of making me feel alright even in the worst situations or mindsets.
Even in the car on the way home when I was watching the trees go by.
Having you there next to me helped me breathe a little better.
I wasn't shaking as much.
And I didn't have the urge to jump out of the car just to get away from them.
Because I get that way sometimes.
Sometimes all I want is to get away from them.
Is that a bad thing?
Does that make me a shitty person?
Probably.
But I've done worse just to get away.
But that's not the point.
I had a good day.
The decline has just started a bit earlier than usual, which I don't like because it interferes with my desire to stay up until the late hours of the night.
But I'll still probably do that anyway.
I hope everyone has a lovely New Year.
It's 2019.
Male the most of it.