Depression Is My Kryptonite

I Can't Give Up

I still think that we can fix this. Wishful thinking, I guess. I'm honestly hoping that you just got pissed and did something drastic, because I just don't want this to be the end of us. But, if it is your wish. If you truly believe that you're better off without me, that I cause more harm than good than you can get rid of me completely if you so choose. I did hear you say that there was too much negativity, I guess I just didn't think it was me. I kind of got used to hating myself and I just didn't really realize how it was affecting you. I'm sorry that I was so oblivious to the harm I caused you. I kind of think that I'm going to dissapear for a while. Leave everyone alone to think, I think it's best to just stay out of the way for a day or two. But, I should be back Monday. Maybe we can talk a little more. Figure some things out. I really don't want to give you up, if you haven't noticed. It's really selfish of me, but it's true. And I know that this was definitely not love at first sight, since I was only intrigued by you last year. But now that I've come to know you, that I've been surrounded by you, I'm starting to believe good things. Which I know isn't very evident in the way that I talk about myself. You know, earlier when I was trying to convince you to let me fix it, it was actually the voices telling me that I needed you. Ironic. First time I ever hear good things from them and it's at a time when you're mad that I always talk down about myself. I'm really sorry, I hope you can forgive me. And I hope that you can be happy, whether it's with or without me. Whatever you choose, that's what I've been telling you the entire time. I just wish you would've made it more clear sooner, I wish it didn't have to come to this. You know? I was excited for a new start, to be with someone that I really loved and that I could actually tell that they loved me back. But, things don't always go my way, which is obvious. And I guess I just have some things to work on to better myself. Maybe you will find yourself back at my door, maybe not. But, I'm still not going anywhere. I can promise you that. Okay, I'm going to go cry now. It's a new ability and I'd like to abuse the privilege while I still have it. Especially since all this pain in my chest kind of needs to be released at the moment before I shove it back down and explode later.