Depression Is My Kryptonite

Tangent

Why do I keep doing this? I shouldn't write about her, she just gets me more pissed off. I just can't stop thinking about it, the way she acts. Gah, I know that if it's a bad relationship then I should get out of it, but I can't just leave, because that would make things worse, for her especially. I also keep thinking about our inside jokes and the stuff we've done together and it makes me feel so guilty that I feel like I'm going to cry. I feel shitty, I feel like the shittiest best friend. Why the hell do they keep saying that? Why won't they just shut up. Hey, I can hear you. I'm not doing that. That would be worse. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, it's not my fault. But it's not, I swear. You can't blame me for her actions. I know I spoiled her for a bit, but I didn't know any better. I do now, but I don't know how to fix it. Also, why do people think it's weird that my best friend is also my ex? One of our mutual friends said that it was off putting and for some reason it scared me. Like maybe he wasn't the only one that thought it was weird, like maybe my best friend/ex does too. I don't know. I don't want to think about it too much because I love my best friend. And our past relationship just makes the one we have now stronger. I honestly don't see him as my ex anymore. I see him as a best friend that I am slowly getting over my very strong feelings for. If you think about it, couples are just intimate best friends. So, I don't think it's that odd. Even if it is, I like odd and we have an interesting story to tell if people ever ask in the future. Lqtm. I'm an odd one. I don't care though, I like being odd, I just wish everyone would stop judging my actions and my life by their standards, because it's much different than mine.