Depression Is My Kryptonite

Fearful For Her Safety

I'm terrified.
What if she faces the same fate as PaPaw. Granted that was two years ago, it scares me.
Even if it is just a back surgery.
We all have PTSD from what happened back then.
2016 was a rough year.
For all of us.
When I hugged her I didn't want to let go.
But at the same time I did, so that it wouldn't seem any different than our usual farewells.
Her mentioning it on the ride home just made it all come flooding back to me.
I've maintained the ability to block out events.
But not the emotions that were caused by them.
So I constantly feel things that I don't understand why they're there, even though the memory of them is locked away inside my mind.
Crying did give some sort of release.
But the tears have halted for now.
What would I do if she were to die tomorrow?
I don't even know if I'd keep my word and stay with my step dad in all honesty.
I think it'd be too hard being here.
I'd probably want to move in with a close friend, but I can't ask them for that.
Their home life is bad enough without me thrown into the mix.
Chuck.
I can't think about this right now.
My bestie just helped me calm down.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I somehow blocked it out again.
She'll be fine.
Right?...