Masks

Mask: Face Off (2)

- Saturday, 02.10 A.M. Kudou Residence, Kudou Shinichi's Room -

Perhaps this is how it feels to be in a dead sentence.
The chills and the silent makes me want to run away and hide. It's what they'd called the calm before the storm.

I am sitting in front of her in my room, up on my bed, in the middle of the night. Just us both with the eerily silent accompanying the sound of a tick-tacking clock. Not even a sound coming out of her mouth. She wears this blank expression on her face, her beautiful orbs staring at me, not with warm or even anger. She just staring at me, listening.

God... It's starting to get close to my nightmare.

I'd rather have her beats me into a pulp, plummet me with her fists, or shouts at me using incredibly creative curses. Or even crying and blurting her hatred and disappointment towards what she'd voice as a betrayal of her trust. Anything.
I have no problems for groveling, begging, pleading for forgiveness, whatever it takes. Nor I'd be opposing to do whatever she'd told me to.

But not the silent treatment.

I had told her everything. First the fact, then the reason, and my feelings –well, she knew this already, but there's nothing wrong with reminding her again- chronologically. My feelings come in the last, but actually that was the first thing that caused this to happened. When she asked me why I told her all of this now, that dream was my first answer. I intended to tell her everything after what had happened in the bank, because I realized my feelings then -I realized it after I had pulled the trigger myself- of how important she is to me, and what will it make me be if she's gone, and what I'm capable of doing in my desperate moment. But that dream is like a real trigger, it pushed me to the edge. Until I can't bear with everything anymore.

Along with the explanation of what I've felt, I told her my fear, and I admit my selfishness and cowardice "I'm scared, Ran" taking a breath, I continued "I'm not scared at them. I'm scared at you; of what it will make me be if I had to lose you..."

Again, silent filled up the room.

"I see..." is what she said after listening to me whole night long.

I waited, and waited, and waited.
Every seconds feels like a year to me. Until I finally heard her saying "You know, Shinichi... Somehow... somehow, I know that Conan is really you in the disguise. I can feel it -something that a logical mind couldn't explain, just like today when I saw you in the bank- I just know its you. Even if the world turns against me, I know its you" her word is like an arrow that struck my heart.

"Even though I'm mad because you lied to me, somehow I understand why you did it. Even though I feel like I'm being shunned out and hurt by it, I know that in the end, you'll come back to me. But... the feelings of being betrayed is still here" she touched her chest while I can see drops of tears flowing in her cheeks.

I feel numb; like earth had swallowed me whole. I just want to disappear right then and there.

"You've hurt me, Shinichi" at hearing this, I could hear the sounds of my heart broken.
I lost my hope.

I've lost her...

"But... You're the only one who can make it disappear" Yeah, disappear. Just please, make me disappear...

Wait... What?

"That's why... Don't ever leave me again" am I hearing things? You want me to...?

"I want you to be by my side, walking through all this together"

...Huh?
Huhhh??

"So... do you not... want me to leave?" I had to make sure. She shook her head.

"So... in other words... You... you forgave me?" I really had to make sure, that I'm not hallucinating. She confirmed by nodding her head.

"So... You don't hate me?" again, I really had to make sure even if I'm scared of what the answer might be.

She smiled while wiping her tear and said "I already forgave you, Shinichi" and gave me the most shining, most beautiful smile on earth I've ever seen "I Love you too much, it's impossible for me to hate you" she added while blushing in her ethereal kindness and beauty

I still can't believe it's real, so I just had to ask again "Really...? Ran?"

She nodded, but then she turned serious "But don't you dare do it again" with all the malicious expression she could make on her still flushed face "I promise I'll kick your goddamn ass if you ever leammmfff..." but I didn't let her finished as I hugged her and landed a made-up kiss fervently on her lips. Making her flopped on the bed, surprised with her eyes as big as a ball.

Nah, you can't blame me. I did what I did because of her own action. And that was to make me believe she forgave me, that she wouldn't leave me, and that we will face this together.

I feel like tons of burden had been lifted from my shoulder. All the guilt, the lie that create a gap between us had disappeared. I'm so relieved I don't even aware that a single drop of tear threatening to fall down my eyes. This girl is so precious to me I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel so stupid for all the things I did, and because I had doubt her. I would never let her go anymore.

"Shinichi?" she seems surprised when she aware of how I hitched my breath, and how one single tear had stained my cheek. I have never cried before; not in front of anyone especially her. But I couldn't control this overflowing emotions towards her. As I caressed her cheek and our forehead touched, I could only whisper this to her "Thank you... I Love you" and made a happy grin

I believed we deserve a quality time together; beside to make up to my absence, it's to celebrate our being together, at last. And I intended to make the best of it while I can, while I'm still me...

...

Damn!

That remembers me. How much time left do I get? As I pulled myself from the hug, I looked at the alarm clock that shows 02:30. At least 18 hours had left since I took the pill. So, another 5-6 hours?

Good grief... That won't be enough. Not enough at all!

"Shinichi?" her concern voice rang in my head make me feel even worse "Shit!" I unconsciously cursed while I gripped my head with one of my arm. That took Ran in a surprise, seeing me suddenly in a despair "Shinichi? What's the matter?" she asked me with a really worried face.

I opened my mouth to try to say something, but what should I say to her? That we only have 5 hours last to be together? That I had to leave her again after I promised not to?

Aaargghh...! My head hurts.

After I had finally told her everything. After she finally gave me her understanding and even forgave me. After everything that had happened between us.

Why? God, why?

"I don't want to leave you...again..." it's my true feelings, that was the only thing I could tell her "But... I have to" I heard my own voice cracked.

After a moment of heart-squeezing silent, she asked me "Why?" with a teary eye but she endured it so it won't fell. She tried to be strong for me, for us "Remember when I told you about the temporary antidote?" she nodded "It only last for 2y4 hours" I can see that she gnawed in a realization by this information as her eyes widened.

I really don't want to say this fucked up things so I turned away from her while saying "I'll back being Conan again in about 5 hours" and I sighed my biggest sigh in my whole life.

A/N :
Yep, it's not Friday yet...
But it's my birthday ~
So I'd like to celebrate it with updating new chapter today as special gift to all of you that's still continue reading and support me :D
Your vote, comments and share is my best birthday present ever! Thanks
Ps: I'll still update new update every Friday, means you'll get 2 chapter this week. Hooray!