From Tokyo With Love - A Norman Reedus Fanfic Romance

Chapter 39 - Tears Before Bedtime

NORMAN

"I'm so sorry. I'd rather die than ever hurt you like that again...."

I barely heard her raw whisper as I turn to climb the stairs. My body twists around. To go back to Ollie once more....only I can't.

Oh, I sure as fuck want to....more than anything. But I have to leave her be now.

Leave her to make up her own mind.

When I enter my bedroom, I stumble over to the window. Stand there, unseeing....for countless minutes. Before collapsing on the edge of my bed.

Didn't even realise I'm crying until I feel the splash of tears on my hands. I just sit there and turn my palms upwards....catching them. Squinting at the puddles.

A little girl?

Ollie and I made a little girl. Ollie and I fell in love and made a little girl.

And I lost them both....

My head fell until my chin rests between my collarbones. Bouncing up and down as my shoulders hitch in the effort....to stop my sobs from making their way out into the room. 

Except I can't stop, even when I feel the mattress dip behind me. Sobs become outright howls.

Ollie's arms snuck under mine and wrapped themselves tightly around my chest. As if she's trying to make my body part of hers. I feel her head nuzzle into my back and my t-shirt dampens with her tears.

It was a long time before I quieten. Turning, I gently push her down on the bed. Then tug her to me.

We lie there....foreheads touching. Ollie held me as tightly as before....and now I do the same back.

"Can you tell me? Please? "  I eventually whisper.

Ollie nodded and her head left mine so she can look at me fully. I know the pain and shame in her eyes are exact reflections of mine.

"Aunty Pat guessed first. I just thought it was stress or whatever. Because of Dad, work and....everything else."

Her voice dipped a fraction at the 'everything else'.  And she tried so hard to hide it from me that I wince inside.

"Sorry, you don't know. Daddy had a stroke, a really bad one. Aunty Pat rang the Ryokan and I flew out the same day that....just after you did."

"Anyways, I kept throwing up all the time. Was really tired and pigging out. She and Tess cornered me one day and we did the test. Went to the doctors and had it confirmed."

Her eyes are now peeking up through her lashes....almost as if she's scared to look at me.

"I'm sorry! I was on the pill....honestly. Somehow, I must've missed one? That's all I can think of. I swear, I didn't do it on purpose. To well....you know...."  Her voice faded to nothing.

Putting my lips to her head I whisper....

"Sweetheart? It wasn't an immaculate conception you know. I was there too....one hundred percent. It was my responsibility as much as yours and I think I told you that at the time?"

I feel her head nodding slightly back at me.

"That's why I asked Tess. To start looking you up....try and get some contact details so I could tell you. You had the right to know and to have a say. With stuff like the birth certificate and other things."

"I was a coward. I couldn't do it, so I asked her instead....I asked Tess."

"Daddy wasn't making very good progress. I went in every day to see him. And as I got bigger I'd put his hand on my tummy....so he could feel her moving. It made the difference."