From Tokyo With Love - A Norman Reedus Fanfic Romance

Chapter 39 - Tears Before Bedtime

NORMAN

"I'm so sorry. I'd rather die than ever hurt you again like that...."

I barely heard her raw whisper as I turned to climb the stairs. My body twists itself around. Ready to run back to Ollie once more.

Only I can't.

Oh, I sure as fuck want to....more than anything. But I have to leave her be now.

Leave her to make up her own mind.

When I enter my bedroom, I stumble over to the window. Stand there, unseeing....for countless minutes. Before collapsing on the edge of my bed.

Don't even realise I'm crying until I feel the splash of tears on my hands. I just sit there and turn my palms upwards....catching them. Squinting at the puddles.

A little girl?

Ollie and I made a little girl. Ollie and I fell in love and made a little girl.

Then I went and lost them both....

My head falls until my chin rests between my collarbones. Bouncing up and down as my shoulders hitch with the effort....to stop my sobs from making their way out into the room.

Except I can't stop, even when I feel the mattress dip behind me. Sobs suddenly become outright howls.

Ollie's arms snuck under mine and wrapped themselves tightly around my chest. As if she was trying to make my body a part of hers. I felt her head nuzzling into my back and my t-shirt dampened with her tears.

It was a long time before I quietened. Turning, I gently pushed her down on the bed and then tugged her to me.

We lay there....foreheads touching. Ollie held me tighter than ever....and I did the same back.

"Can you tell me? Please? "  I eventually whisper.

Ollie nodded and her head left mine so she could look at me. I know the pain and shame in her eyes is replicated in my own.

"Aunty Pat guessed first. I just thought it was stress or whatever. Because of Dad, work and....everything."

Her voice dipped a fraction at the 'everything'.  And she tried so hard to hide it from me that I winced inside.

"Sorry, you don't know what on earth I'm....Daddy had a stroke. A really bad one. Aunty Pat rang the Ryokan and I flew out the same day that....just after you did."

"Anyway, I kept throwing up all the time. Was really tired and pigging out. She and Tess cornered me one day and we did the test. Went to the doctors and had it confirmed."

Her eyes are now peeking up through her lashes....almost as if she's scared to look at me.

"I'm sorry! I was on the pill....honestly. Somehow, I must've missed one? That's all I can think of. I swear, I didn't do it on purpose. To well....you know...."  Her voice faded to nothing.

Putting my lips to her head I whisper....

"Sweetheart? It wasn't an immaculate conception you know. I was there too....one hundred percent. It was my responsibility as much as yours and I think I told you that at the time?"

I felt her head nodding slightly back at me.

"That's why I asked Tess. To....get some contact details so I could tell you. You had the right to know and have a say. With stuff like the birth certificate and other things."

"I was a coward. I couldn't do it, so I asked her instead....I asked Tess."

"Daddy went into rehab but he still wasn't making very good progress. I went in every day to see him and as I got bigger? I'd put his hand on my tummy....so he could feel her moving. It made all the difference."