One Sister, Seven Brothers, and Another Set of Memories {BTS}

Author's Note: i just need to get this off my chest

ok so i probably worried you when i posted the little author's note at the end of the chapter titled "foreshadowing." and i didn't mean to worry you, so i'm sorry if i did. but i am going to talk about what's going on in my life because no one else will listen. you guys are the only ones i feel like i can trust and that you guys actually care. i think people at school either don't care or they just want to listen to me rant about everyone so they can "get the tea" and tell everyone else. and i know you guys won't run off to people in my class or people i know and spread rumors and say "lexie's scaring me" or something. i just really need to tell someone before i just explode and make a mess that i can't clean up.

so to start from the beginning, i think in march or maybe a little bit earlier, my mom got fired from her job. i knew something was up when she came to pick me up from my tutoring session, since her work isn't in town or anything. so i asked her why she had come and she just kind of blew it off. she told me that she wanted to pick up. i noticed that a box was sitting in the backseat of the car next to me, and i remember that the day before (a sunday) my mom had made the statement that her new boss might let her go to bring in everyone from his old office. i didn't think he would, but on the way home, my mom told me that he had let her go. i started crying and she wanted to know why and i just told her that i was scared, you know? the normal. she didn't give me the reason why he had fired her, but i figured it was just like she had said the day before. when we got home, i stayed my room to get my thoughts together, but i could hear my mom crying in the living room.

i went the rest of the school year not knowing exactly why until sometime in june. 

i was playing the sims on the couch in the living room while my mom was on the phone on the deck outside. she came in after maybe ten minutes, and went to the kitchen or something before she came over and sat beside me and told me the real reason why she got fired. i'm not going to say since its so embarrassing and shameful and... i just can't even imagine it. but she's in a lot of trouble and could go to jail. if not, she really should be doing time. she had been doing this certain act ever since 2014, and i didn't even know. 

my family went out of town on a trip and she acted rude and mean the whole time. she stayed at the camper, leaving my dad and i to go on adventures ourselves. my dad told me other things that had been going on while she wasn't there.

and i think that's what i'm terrified the most of. sure, i say i'm scared that we're going to go broke and that we'll have to leave my home and my school. but that's not the whole story. i'm terrified that my parents are going to split. they've fought before this whole ordeal, but now it's all the time. and i just have to watch. i have to put on a brave face and act like i'm okay when really my heart is aching. i'm sorry if i sound inconsiderate because i know people have had parents divorce before, but i haven't experienced it. i'm sorry if i sound rude or something.

the school year started as you guys know, and i thought i'd get better and it would get stuff off my mind. and it did for a bit, but then it has all come crashing down on me again. 

i have a good friend who likes to make the "i'm depressed" jokes. not in the mean way, but do you know what i mean? like when someone says that they're sad and then someone replies "me every day" or something. i can't really explain it. and yea, i say stuff like that off and on, but not near as much as she does. and i love her to death, but it's only giving me more negative vibes that make me even more upset and makes me think about what's going on. i was helping her last year when she was going through a hard time, but now it's me that needs help and she just keeps being negative and its hurting me.

and on august 15, my mom's case was on the news. where everyone in the region could see it. everyone that lives in my area could see it. it was in the paper, so everyone in the city saw it. it was on different websites where everyone could see it and know of what my mom has done.