Aral [Hiatus]

24.5 [J] Center of Universe

Don't like how sun comes

Don't like how you leave my bed

That's exactly what I think of every morning we have to wake up early for things.

By things, I mean my music sheets, her weekly reports, my occasional flights, her irregular schedules, my case studies, her new choreographies, and the fact that we agreed to try.

I might not like what comes next for the day, but I like knowing that she hugs me in her sleep with her head deep in the crook of my neck.

So you like hugging, I remember asking her. And she said, Who doesn't?

We're like a pair of sneakers. Stringing each other along,

I remember sneaking into her dorm, back in her sophomore year, when no one was watching. She opened her window, wearing red tartan over a black tee. I told her to wear something backless next time so I could check out her wings, but it cracked her up. Her hearty laugh was toxic and I nearly lost my mind. Pretty eyes and pretty lips, she looked like she was dressed as my wildest daydream. I wonder if I'd ever feel guilty if I did take her right there and then. I thought I wouldn't mind to sin for the first time.

Some people asked me how it felt like, to have her. It still feels surreal to this day, though. Who thought I'd actually end up marrying her?

I love her. Loving her is easy. As simple as that.

"Let me tell you two things, Kak Jaron. One, I have no rights to judge you. I promised to listen, not to tell you what to do and what not to do. You are you, so you should unapologetically remain yourself. Two, I will always be your company. I chose to be here with you, so of course I'm gonna stay."

I'm eternally grateful for that one faithful night she decided to spare a second to listen to me talking about the hell I was going through. I was alone with my revised drafts, my guitar, my long-cold coffee, and my abandoned pack of ciggarettes when she came with a plastic cup of tomato juice in hand. I never knew what would become an important story of my life had some tomato juice in the beginning.

When people drifted away because they couldn't bear my madness, she chose to stay. She sticks to her promise, and I'll stick to her side. Not in front of her, not behind her, but by her side.

Since I started working for the law firm, I realized I have much less time to spend with her. Too bad, I don't feel like telling her that it's for her. That I want to save up for us, to build our stability as soon as possible, and to be the dependable man I should always be. But then again, she's always been one hell of a woman who stands for herself. Who am I to keep her from going? She's always had her dreams and if anything, I want to be with her chasing her dreams.

We thought that maybe we just needed to run from what kept us grounded. I thought that taking her with me would help her from suffering all the emotional pains she's had for years in the city that raised her. I had nothing to lose but her, but she ended up sacrificing a lot more to be with me.

Her family had never been supportive of her, and I just couldn't let myself be a bystander and watch her suffer. People started going out of control with the groundless rumors and the cruel judgments just because she didn't look, talk, and act like them. It's heartbreaking to see someone so dear to me having the world against her. Since they kept acting like she didn't belong, I decided to make her mine and to take her with me so they'd leave her.

I realized too late that I liked to feed my ego, and she became one collateral damage of it. By marrying her, I'm taking away things that should be hers.