Love me, again

27

Selena

After I waved Jess Sophia and Jayden off to school I sat in the kitchen reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. Jade and Kane sat at the dining table going through baby names, Madison was taking a shower as Josh was still ignoring her. I wouldn't say my life has been horrible but it's been better.

I had a very close bonding phone-call early this-morning with Pattie who cursed Justin out with every name she could think of. It made me laugh, but it wasn't easy to talk about him. I stopped myself from crying three times in twenty minutes, Pattie said she would be taking my side in court which made me feel warmth inside for the first time since I filed for divorce.

"Mom what do you think of Lilly for a girl or James for a boy?" Jade questioned me, I set my book down and smiled. "Honey I'll love whatever name you pick." I smile and she smiled back, nodding whilst writing in her baby diary.

Just as I was about to pick up my book the door bell rang and I was quick to my heels to answer it. Opening the door was someone I was not expecting and someone I didn't want to ever see again until court.

"Justin, what do you want?" I swallowed hard, all the pain he caused me to return whilst I stool in-front of him face to face. "I just wanted to come by and see you, to talk.." He shoved his hands into his jean pockets and flipped his hair from his eyes to look at me. "There is nothing to talk about, you cheated on me for years with someone you knew I hated, end of story."

"Come on, you must have something to say to me?"

"I don't." I rolled my eyes sighing.

"Selena whatever you have to say I want to hear it." He shrugged his shoulders, his mop of hair falling into his face again.

"Fine, you broke me Justin, you broke my heart into a million pieces year after year. I stood by you through everything, when you got your DUI, when you cheated on me at the start of our relationship with Hailey, when you punched a paparazzi in London, when you had your metal breakdowns. I was there for you through it all and look how you treat me in return. I hate you, I hate you because I still love you." I screamed, the tears rolled down my cheeks like a water fall. "How did you know I was seeing her?"

I stared at the tiled flooring because I just couldn't bare to look at his face, it pained my heart and I know It'd be too much. "It wasn't hard, you were gone most nights and I watched you both.." I choked, shaking my heart. "You looked at her the way you used to look at me and that was the worst part you know?" I sniffled slowly bringing my eyes up to meet his which looked sadder than usual.

"Why won't you just sign the divorce papers?" I slumped my shoulders in defeat, my hearts crossed at my chest. "Not until we have a honest conversation about our marriage Selena." He shook his head, his hair swishing from side to side. "I want answers." I demanded and he nodded, I turned on my heel and walked towards my office for a more private conversation with my soon-to-be husband.

Stepping in I held the door open for him, as he walked in and I shut the door, pressing my back against it.

"Did you ever love me?"

I questioned him staring him dead in the eye but I couldn't tell if I wanted to know his answer, I was already in enough pain.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do." He furrowed his brows spitting out the words, his voice spat anger and venom against me. "Then why did you do what you did? My dad was right about you in Lanzarote but I was too blinded by love to see it." I fought back the tears that desperate tried to escape down my cheeks, to show him how much he had destroyed me.

"If I could go back in time I would change it, Selena you know I would."

"I don't know what you would do anymore, I don't know who you are anymore Justin." I shook my head furiously, letting the tears spill.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to go everyday knowing you were choosing her over me?" I cried my lip quivering as I almost collapsed to the floor but I held myself up watching his run his hands over his face in frustration. "Tell me what you want from me and I'll do it." He took a step towards me and I shook my head, trying to at least tell him not to step closer.

"Sign the papers." I cried out, but he stared at me glassy eyed then shook his head

"No- no Sel I can't do that." He was still shaking his head as he turned towards the window and covered his face in his hands. "Yes you can, you have to."

"Sel you can't do this to me you just can't! Give me another chance baby and I'll stop seeing Hailey for good. I promise." He pleaded as the tears fell down his cheeks copying mine.

"Yes Justin I can, and I have too. I've given you one too many chances for you to change your ways Justin, it's too late." I cried again as I let the tears fall quicker. I sighed leaning further into the door wiping my tears with the back of my hand, there was an tense two minute silence as I tried to stop crying and he watching me. Finally he nodded giving in. "Okay, I'll sign the papers if that's what you want."

He sighed wiping his tears and giving me a sad smile, I nodded relaxing a little bit and my shoulders felt like a weight was lifted from them. The pain that I had held over the years had finally lifted as Justin spoke. He pulled the papers from inside his jacket and signed his name on the dotted line then looked at me. "I'm sorry." He spoke low before quickly leaving me alone in my office, I shut the door after he left and sunk into my chair, again crying silently in my office like always.