Love me, again

37

Josh

Standing in the kitchen, my mom came up to me in her skin tight black dress that became just below the knee, her black Louis Vuitton heels and a big black head piece to cover most of her face. ''We need to teach you how to do a tie.'' She complained and I smiled at how short she was trying to reach up to me. Tugging at my black tie, my dad walked in wearing a similar suit and smiled at me. ''We matching today son?'' He smacked my arm and I shook my head with a smile.

Then in walked the girls all absolutely beautiful, my three little sisters. One of which was also about to have a baby at the age of fifteen.

Then walked in the usual sulking face of Jayden who rolled his eyes at my dad, he still wasn't forgiving him which I understood but somethings do change, people change for the better.

''Get that face off please and put on your shoes.'' My mom said rushing around making sure everything was fine, she even tried to fix my dads tie but he wasn't having any of it. ''Sel calm down, please.'' She sighed nodding and then went to check the list if she missed anything. ''Do you know what time the caterer will be here with the food?''

''He said he will be here an hour before everybody arrives, all the food is just finger food so you have nothing to worry about.''

''Okay I just want today to go without anything else happening, everyone has enough going on.''

I watched as everyone rushed around gathering things but I was more worried about Madison, she was in the last two weeks of her pregnancy and could go any day but I wouldn't be there for the birth.

''Josh baby I know your thinking about Mad and the baby but I need you to focus on today, you need to be with us today for the whole family.'' Mom said raising an eyebrow as she rushed out into the hallway to gather everybody's coats.

''Okay the cars are outside, lets go pick up the rest of the family'' My dad spoke and I grabbed my phone so If any news came about the baby I would know. ''No news yet son?'' My dad said as he gripped my shoulder as we walked out to the cars. I shook my head with disappointment.

"Might not be today, could be her exact due date, your mother had you three days after your due date.''

''Really?'' I asked and he nodded as he opened door to the black funeral car. ''Don't stress about it.'' He assured me and I nodded as we climbed in the car. ''How is you and mom?''

''We are better than ever, we talked last night and we discovered the break did us good.'' I nodded and he just smiled at me, okay dad just a little bit creepy. A we drove to grans dad and I had a catch up chat about everything, college, football, Madison, how life was in general. It was nice to finally get some time to talk to him because he was always so busy at work or with Hailey.

I could even count how many times we had a serious conversation on one hand, that's how distant we are.

''You know, I'm glad we had this talk. It's good to actually catch up son.'' He patted me on the back as we parked in Grans front lawn. ''Yeah dad, me too.'' I smiled getting out of the car and walking up to the porch to meet gran. ''Oh my sweet babies.'' She said with tears in her eyes grabbing my face and kissing me on the cheek. ''Hi gran.'' I gave her a sad smile but she swatted as she hugged my mom and the girls. ''Is Jeremy here with everyone else?''

''Yeah there just in the kitchen.''

Mom smiled as we all followed gran into the house where everyone else was. ''Justin, Selena.'' My granddad said hugging and kissing my mom then shaking hands with my dad. ''Is everyone ready to go? Ceremony starts in thirty minutes.'' My mom spoke and everyone started talking at the same time agreeing with her as we all rushed out back into the cars. ''Yo how you holding up man?'' I asked Jaxon, my other uncle who sat across from me in the car. ''Holding it in for Pattie and dad but it truly is fucking painful.''

I nodded at his comment sighing as we drove behind the funeral car that held Jason's casket. ''This is not what either of them needs right now.'' Jaxon shook his head as he hung his head low watching himself twice his fingers. ''Jax we didn't know this was going to happen.'' My dad said.

''What if we could have stopped him?''

''We didn't know he as going to do such a thing so how did you expect to stop him?''

''He's our brother Justin, he should have told us this.'' Jaxon said and I just watched the two of them argue. ''You know he wasn't speaking to me over Hailey, you think he was going to tell me he was going to kill himself over it?''

''So your the reason he's dead, your telling me our brother is dead because of you?''

My dad nodded. ''You sicken me Justin, you just destroy everything you touch.''

''Don't you dare, I took you in when your mom and our dad was arguing, I let you sleep in my home for six months when they split up.'' My dads face red with anger, his main vein popping out from behind his ear. ''Dad, don't do this.''

''Stay out of this Josh.''

''You are both making things worse, gran doesn't need this right now.'' I gritted my teeth together as the two of them just looked at me. ''Better listen to him Justin, we don't need you losing your temper in-front of a crowd mourning the death of our brother who you practically killed.'' Jaxon evilly smiled and I squinted my eyes at him. ''Don't Jaxon.'' I was close to rolling my eyes at the two of them.

Jaxon and my dad stayed quiet the whole ride to the church, when we stopped I got out to be greeted by my mom. ''Please try not let dad and Jaxon sit together.'' I whispered and she furrowed her eyebrows at me and looked back to see them getting out of the car.

''What happened?''

''Let's just say, I had to stop the two of them from killing each other.''

She rolled her eyes at the pair who glared at each other and she walked up to them. ''I don't want to hear a peep from the two of you today, not in front of Pattie or Jeremy. They don't need this, especially from you two.'' She pointed the finger between the two of them and they nodded. ''Let's go.'' My dad said walking past me towards the casket where they were unloading it.

''Thanks for that, dearest nephew.'' Jaxon spoke walking past me and I rolled my eyes following behind them. The crowd outside the church grew as the minutes passed, some crying with devastation, some just stared on lost in a world of their own.

Locking arms next to my dad with the casket sitting on our shoulders, I took a deep breathe and slowly walked into the church with the whole family crying behind us.