Me Without You

Chapter 10

I'm going to a party, without you.

Dear Bennie,

I cannot believe what happened today. I am going to a party with a bunch of other misfits, I think and I am bringing a plus one. He isn't my potential boyfriend (can't believe I may have a boyfriend), but he is a new kid I've been mean to. He wrote a poem about me, calling it Purple Waves and although it was weird, I never had someone do that before. Maybe he can become a really good friend, which is something I need, especially now. Tomorrow I hope to go see you, at your grave site of course, I'm working on a new goal. I've learned to think of you, say your name even and share your stories with classmates. My therapist thinks going to see you and maybe even talking to you or reading my letters to you, will help me. I'll try, I promise, Bennie.

I have no clue what I'm going to wear tonight, maybe that cute pink dress you like on me. Pink was always your favorite color on me, but it may look different since I changed my hair. Can you see the difference? I know it's a pointless question to ask, but I hope you like it. It's different, but it's still me.

Well, I gotta go, I love you always, Bennie

Love,

Roxie

I clicked my pen and placed it down, folding my letter and placing it in my box of other letters. I had started to save them, knowing one day I would gather the courage and bring them when I went to visit him. That was my final goal of moving on, and although it hurt to even think about talking to him that way, it gave me peace that this wouldn't hurt as much eventually.

I looked in the mirror and sighed, the dress was so out of my comfort zone, I never wore dresses but I remember the day clearly.

***FLASHBACK***

I was pushed in the dressing room by Bennie of course as he handed me a few jeans and shirts to try on. I like all of them, dressing quickly and doing a run way in front of him. "They are cute, but we need something different, Roxie." "Why?" I asked, pouting. "We are going to be seniors, we need to change up things."

"Are you still gay?" I asked and he gave me a dead stare. "That's not the same, jack ass," he laughed and pulled something from behind him. It was a dress. It was a pink dress, worst of all. "I am not wearing that," I shook my head and he stuck his lower lip out, and I rolled my eyes. "Please, I'll buy it for you, I just want to know that my best friend will eventually wear this on a date, perhaps." "Me dating?" I huffed, "I think I'll die alone." "Roxie, you're beautiful, just a little weird. You'll find someone, maybe a couple of them," he winked, "they'll be running after you."

"Sure," I rolled my eyes and grabbed the dress, "I'll wear this one day, I don't know when, but I will."

***END OF FLASHBACK***

I sighed and turned around, this dress was really pretty.

I placed on some cute earrings and a necklace, I had to at least play the part. I had on white sandals and smiled at myself, fixing my hair. I looked pretty, a different pretty.

I turned to find my mom walking in. "Wow," she smiled at me, "finally wearing the dress?" "I guess," I shrugged. "Another date tonight?" she asked and I shook my head. "No, I'm going to a party tonight with a bunch of potential friends." "OH," she smiled, "I like the sound of that. I have to work a double anyway, just no drinking or drugs and if you decide to have sex, please use protection." "Ew, mom, just no," I shook my head and she hugged me.

"I know, honey. I hope you come talk to me when you're ready for all that, I am always a good listener." "I know," I kissed her cheek and she dug in her purse. "Forgetting something," she handed me a nude lipstick, "I always carry this. It adds the perfect touch." She helped me and I smiled and she returned it.

"Have fun, honey. Don't hesitate in calling me, got it?" she questioned and I nodded.

She rushed out of the room and I turned back to look at my reflection. I looked completely different, but that was ok, right? It was ok to change sometimes.

I turned to my phone and looked at the address, Mindy texted me and texted Ricky.

He called and I groaned. He was one of those people.

"Hey," I answered and there was a pause, maybe he butt dialed me, I thought waiting. "Hello?" I called out and I heard shuffling. "Hey, sorry," Ricky answered, "are you ready?" "Yeah, I was about to head out to the bus stop." "Don't worry about that, I can pick you up."

"You drive?" I asked, locking my front door and walking outside, it was a little chilly and I forgot to grab my jacket.

"Yeah, sometimes. My dad is trusting me with his truck, it's a little rusty but it's trusting." "I don't care," I chuckled, "anything is better than that damn bus. Here's my address," I told him and we hung up.

I looked at my phone and saw that Darian texted me; wondering if I had plans.

I texted him that I was going to a school party, it wasn't a lie but I really wanted to be alone and not make Ricky feel like a third wheel. 

He texted back he missed me and I blushed. I closed my phone as I heard my ride approaching.

He was right, it was old and rusty and really loud but I was appreciative.

I looked up at him and he smiled, exiting the ride to open my door. "Sorry," he apologized as he yanked on the door. "Hey, anything is better than that stinky bus. Thanks," I smiled and he looked at me. "You look beautiful, I didn't know you wore dresses," he smiled. "First time in a long time actually." "Awe, saved it for me?" he asked and I blushed. "This isn't a date, Ricky. I have a..." "I know a guy that isn't a boyfriend or may be, what ever. We're just friends, right," he looked at me and I nodded as he closed the door.

The ride to Mindy's wasn't long and we talked a bit about random things.

His favorite color was black, like his soul he joked, he loved writing and his passion only grew more when his mom died. She had breast cancer and she was his best friend. They lived in Louisiana, which explained his cute, southern accent. His father was a chef and started a new job at a local restaurant, but had plans on opening his own; southern food was a rarity up here, were his own words.

"So, you know enough about me, who is Roxie?" he turned to me as we waited at a traffic light. "There isn't much to know," I shrugged, "my mom is a nurse who works like crazy, I never met my dad. He left my mom when she was pregnant and died shortly," I began. "Wow," he turned back to the road, "I'm sorry." "Yeah, it sucked at the beginning when father's day approached, but I got used to it, I guess." "It explains a lot, though." "What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're not trusting," he answered. "I guess you can say that, I don't trust easily." "You trust me?" he asked and I shrugged. "I guess, I got in your car, didn't I?" "You know what I mean," he chuckled and I smiled at his laugh. It was cute.

"What?" he snorted and I began laughing. "You're a snorter?" I asked and he began to laugh harder as we pulled into the driveway and grew quiet.

This was not a small party, Mindy lied. 

"Wow," he stopped and turned the truck off as it grew quiet. "Yeah, I feel like this is a set up, we don't have to go inside." "Ashamed of me?" he asked, turning to me and I shook my head. "We're both weird, I mean you're weirder, who snorts anymore?" "Hey," he hit my arm and I laughed. "I'm joking," I sighed, "I guess we have no choice," I pulled out my phone as I saw Mindy texted me a couple of times.

"It might be fun," he shrugged, "just don't take any drinks from strangers and let me know whenever you're ready, we can leave." "Not sticking by me?" I asked, growing nervous. "Well, I didn't know if you wanted me to or not." "I do," I bit my lip, "I've never gone to a party before," I looked at the packed house.

"I've been, but I don't know anyone here." "Apparently, neither do I."

Bennie, what am I getting myself into?