Me Without You

Chapter 24

Dear Bennie,

I got your gift and I am fucking devastated. I am hurt.

I feel so angry with myself of the future I feel cheated out on and I hate that I am angry. It reminds me of how truly selfish I am. You're dead. You're gone forever and I am mad because I wanted the trip to fucking happen.

I don't know what to do. I know the tickets are still good, but how can I go on a trip without you? How can I even try to take someone on a special trip like that? How can I even celebrate a birthday without you? How am I supposed to do life without you?

Today is a dull day, and it's not because of you. It's because of the absence of you and your amazing aura. God, please strengthen because I am afraid my fragility only thickens.

Roxie

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"Everyone please give it up for Roxie," Melissa clapped for me as I stood and walked to the front.

I smiled at Ricky as he flashed me a goofy smile.

"This is called Last Call."

I cleared my throat and shook my hands, ridding myself of my nerves as I opened my eyes and scanned the crowd. We had grown in numbers, Mindy joining as well as Taemin. He was a writer too and we had grown closer since his brother and I continued dating.

"Wave your ticket please," I started.

"Let me stamp the time once more, this is the last call. Please, speak up; loud and clear for this is the last call. Goodbyes rang in my ears as whispering love you's and the final searing kisses stain on cheeks covered with tears. My Last call, is when dreams merge into still pictures. As memories that were etched eternally begin to fade and faze away. This is the last call, I think to myself as wandering eyes become staring friends. Worried, for how fragile is thy heart to withstand one final call."

I took a deep breath.

"This final wave in the air, as your outstretched finger tips merge with the other, releasing permission to break your heart once more. Eyes, once wandering are not cemented in place; to hold their gaze once more. Wave your tickets please, let me stamp the final word. The final embrace; the final time one more. This is the last call."

I licked me lips as they clapped for me and bowed gently.

"That was amazing, Roxie!" Melissa stood, "really interesting. Please do more," she patted my back.

"Anymore?" she asked and Ricky stood. "You got this," I touched his shoulder and he blushed.

I took a seat by Taemin and Mindy. They had began to get a bit closer as well.

I think Mindy was just as confused as we were about sexual preference, but he seemed to be ok with her experimenting.

"This is called Mother's Last Wishes," he started.

"She was a writer. A maker of beautiful thoughts and phrases, painted for the outside world to witness. She was creative soul, begging for her imagination to pour into your hearts. She was an angel in ragged human clothing as she tried to socialize merrily with devils in sheep's clothing. Mother's last wishes was to love me. She wished to love life as though it was betraying her that very moment."

"Her very last wish was for her to finish her work. Not by her hand, but by mine. Because I am a writer. I am a maker of beautiful thoughts and phrases, etched out on the beautiful canvas that is life. I am a creative soul, begging to release her imagination into everyone's hearts. To prove to the world that an angel in ragged human clothing trying to please the dark world was my mother. To fulfill mother's last wishes."