Me Without You

Chapter 45

"Keep them coming bartender," Jessica screamed as the cute guy poured more shots.

She passed them down, "Come on. This is a bachelorette party. Now Miss Cassie, I know you can throw them down." "No, thank you Jessica," my mom laughed her off. "Fine, here you go," she handed one to me and I quickly downed it.

My nerves were getting the best of me. Especially since Darian may be arriving for my mom's wedding. "Wow, honey," my mom turned to me, "are you alright?" "She's having a mental breakdown," Jessica tried to explain, downing a shot, "Darian is in town."

"Oh?" my mom asked, "and why didn't I know this." "I may have accidentally invited his family to the wedding. Sorry, it just happened." "It's cool, did you see him yet?" "Nope, Tae told me yesterday," I rolled my eyes, "I don't know what to do."

"Don't panic," Mindy reassured me as Bria grabbed shots from Jessica. "Yeah, that's definitely easier said than done."

"Ok, less talking and more drinking," Jessica chimed in. "I like this girl," my mom's friend added, her name was Lonnie. She was really nice and worked with my mom.

After a few more shots, we brought our drunk asses up front; thankfully mom was sober enough to drop us to the hotel. Jacob was really into this whole thing of not seeing her until the wedding and she was having trouble at hiding this morning sickness any longer.

"Mom," I knocked on the bathroom door and saw that she was having another vomiting episode. "You know even though it's called morning sickness, it really happens at any moment." "Or maybe it was that extra large side of cheesy nachos with a side of cream cheese dip?" I asked, "very weird combination." "Hey, when I was pregnant with you, I used to dip my pickles in melted ice cream; trust me," she paused, "it gets worse."

"He still has no clue?" I asked, pinning her hair back. "Nope, God he is so clueless," she chuckled, heaving a bit more. "Are you sure you're ok?" I asked and she nodded, flushing the toilet and walking to the sink to rinse her mouth.

"Yeah, all things considered."

"Good, I am so excited to have a baby sister or brother." "I am terrified, but I know he's going to be an amazing father, I'm excited to have help this time." "Are you nervous for tomorrow?" I asked, sitting on the toilet as she faced me. "About marrying Jacob or doing this motherhood thing again?" she asked.

"Both, I guess," I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess today just made me see that time has really gone by so fast. How things have changed so drastically. I mean you're getting married, mom. I'm about to be a big sister." "Is this about Bennie?" she asked.

"I guess," I shrugged, "I wrote another letter, but I felt so guilty. I had written to him since I left for school." "It's ok, honey. Life goes on." "Yeah, you're right about that." 

"Is this about Darian?" "Maybe. I mean what if he's moved on, too." "Then you have to move on as well." "I know, I just...I just don't want to anymore. When I come home, my old life just slaps me back in the face. I was hurt, I was devastated but I had good moments too, and I don't know if I'm ready to let that go."

She walked to me and hugged me, kissing the top of my head. "I know love, but you're old enough to know that holding all that in only kills you inside. If you still Darian and you want go and get him. And if it is too late, then you have to let him go. You've gotten through worst, I believe in you, honey."

"I know," I held onto her, "come on. Let's get some sleep; we have a big day tomorrow."

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"Stay still," Mindy fussed as she touched up my make up. Today was the big day and we were getting ready to walk down the aisle.

I had a cute guy to walk with; some cousin of Jacob's. His name was Xavier and he was really cool. He didn't talk much, but I was sure it was because he was shy.