Me Without You

Chapter 26

"I have a package for Roxeanne," the deliverer tried to read my name.

"That's me," I said behind Darian as he grabbed it and signed it.

"What is that?" I asked and he shrugged, handing it to me as we went back in the living room.

It was the day before my birthday and we were both packed up. I preparing for my trip to New York, he going back to Korea to spend time with his family.

"Open it up," he rushed me as I ripped it open it and saw a jump drive. "Hmm," I eyed it and walked to my computer until he stopped me. "What if it's a virus," he asked. "Well, maybe it's some porn," I joked, pushing the USB into my available port and a notification popped up asking for permission. 

"Ready?" I asked and he nodded, letting me sit on his lap as I clicked 'Accept'.

What happened next I was not prepared for it.

It was Bennie. It was a video of Bennie.

"Hey!" he shrieked, and then paused, adjusting the camera. "God, I do not know how to work this," he laughed and I felt my hands go up to my face.

 Darian quickly paused it and grabbed me. "Roxie," his voice sounded so quiet compared to my beating heart. It was him. It was Bennie; almost like a facetime from Heaven and I began to laugh.

I thought of the letter I wrote last night and how I wished to see him once more; maybe it was sign, I thought. Maybe going on this trip would help. 

"You don't have to do this," Darian rubbed my sides, but I stopped him. "I have to," I stopped him and pressed play.

"God, I do not know how to work this," he laughed, after fixing it and posed, "but I am so cute!"

I chuckled at his silly poses and Darian smiled at me. "I should let you watch this alone." "No, I want you here," I stopped him, turning back to the screen as I watched my fallen friend:

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"So, tomorrow is your motherfucking birthday and we are motherfucking eighteen, bitch!" he screamed and then cleared his throat. "What is all that cursing," I heard his mom enter the room and he flashed her on the screen.

"Ma, say hi to Roxie. This is for her birthday," he posed with her and she waved. I smiled at the cute moment they shared. "Keep this a secret," he looked at her, "I want to surprise her." "Boy, clean your room, showing her this mess," she laughed and kissed her.

"Love you," she left the room. "So, last night I told her I'm gay and even though you couldn't be there, it went really well. She figured that or I got you pregnant," he paused, "but yeah next step is my dad. He's coming back in about a month, but you're coming. I cannot do that one alone."

I watched as he fidgeted and showed the tickets. "I cannot wait to take you to New York like we talked," he saved them, "but I made this video among others to vlog you in secret. So, yeah this is going to be the best legal birthday ever! I love you, Roxie!"

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The screen went blank and I saw that there were two folders. One labeled Roxie's secret birthday and the other left Blank.

I opened up the one with my name and clicked on the second video.

"Maybe you should take it slow," he grabbed my hands, "let's enjoy each other before we leave." "I have to watch this, maybe he has more plans for my birthday." "Ok," he kissed me, "but if it becomes too much, please tell me." "I will, I swear," I kissed him back.

I clicked play.

The second video started with a far shot of me; reading. I was playing with my purple hair and then the camera spent around:

"You're totally going to kill me, but look how good you look. Looking all sophisticated and smart and shit," he joked, "but yeah. I have to tell you some big news, just not now. I am not sure if I'm going to send the letters first or this. I guess letters since I worked so hard on them. God, you're so oblivious," he flashed the camera back on me.

I was so into my book that I hadn't realized he was recording me. I looked up and the screen went blank. I couldn't even remember that day.

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It was like a distant memory.

I clicked on the next video.

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"So, I have a boyfriend. I'm not sure which letter you have read yet, but he's really cool. His name is Quinton. I call him Q, but he's so cute. He's coming with us," he bit his lip, "so I'm trying my best to hook you up with someone, but you're so damn shy and stubborn. We can totally double date now," he smiled, brightly.

"I hope you like him, because I really do. I think I may love the boy," he paused and shuffled around, "maybe I'll show him on the next video. He really wants to meet you. Sad thing is, he's not from here. He lives like two hours away and we meet up after school, since I get early dismissal now. It's the reason why I'm so busy, no I'm not at church. Sorry for lying, boo, but I hope you understand. He makes me so happy and I know now how I'm supposed to feel."

He looked around and wiped his eyes, "I said some deep shit on those letters and now I'm feeling a bit better. Thank you for understanding, Roxie. I swear girl, I don't know what I'd do without you. My dad is coming home next week and you're sure he's going to understand. I hope he does, I really want to introduce you all to Q. I think it's getting better."

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I continued to click through.

I felt Darian's hand tense when I blinked away a few tears. "I'm okay," I promised him as I prepared myself for the new scene:

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"Say hi!" Bennie flashed the camera to a young man. He was really cute, I thought.

"Hi, Roxeanne," he smiled at the camera and Bennie cleared his throat. "She's going to tell you to call her Roxie." "I hope so, I just don't want to seem pushy. She might hate me," he pouted and they shared a quick kiss. "No, she won't. She'll see how happy you make me."

"I make you happy?" he asked, nuzzling against his neck and Bennie giggled like the little flirt he was. I felt jealous. I felt saddened at this love. He was with someone he connected with; something I could never do, but I forced myself to watch.

"Roxie, this is Q," he introduced, stopping the young man from starting something so X rated. "I cannot wait for this trip. I have been to New York like five times, I can show you guys all the hot spots," he started talking, "we are going to have a blast."

"I just booked the hotel, we are getting two separate rooms," Bennie winked and the guy began to laugh. "Someone thinks he's ready for that next step," he turned to Bennie and although his skin was dark, I could see that he was blushing. His smile was infectious and I couldn't help, but return it.

"We'll see," he joked and they shared another kiss. 

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Bennie tried to say and the camera went dark.

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"He looked happy," Darian spoke up and I nodded. "He did," I paused and stood.

"Are you alright?" he asked and I shook my head; finally honest with myself.

He grabbed me and held onto me. "I'm here," he held me close and I cried onto him. "I miss him so much, Darian. I don't know how I can do this," I mumbled against him. "You don't have to do this alone, I am here. You have Ricky and Mindy. And your mom and grandma and my family, too. We all love you, Roxie."

"Thank you," I pulled back, "but I think I need a distraction now."

I bit my lip and he caught onto what I was saying and he blushed. "Well, who am I decline that?"