Me Without You

Chapter 49

"Did you hear that new Beyonce song?" he asked, plopping on my bed, "it's really good." "You talk about Beyonce way too much," I sat beside him.

"Jealous?" he asked, eyeing me and I shrugged. "Maybe, I am your best friend. I need just as much attention." "What kind of attention do you need, Roxie?" he sat up and I scooted closer.

"You know I like you right?" I started and he stared at me. "What?" he asked, "you do?" "Yes, of course. Why do you think I've been acting so weird, lately. Why I've been wearing make up and what not." "I was wondering," he touched my face, "you look really pretty either way."

"I like you," I started, "and I talked to my mom. She told me if I want something then I have to go for it. So, this is me going for it." "Wha-..."

I leaned in and kissed him, pulling away quickly.

"Roxie," he looked stunned, "did you just kiss me?" "I did," I folded my arms, proud of myself.

"Wow," he smiled and raised his hands, touching my cheek and leaned in again. Our lips touched again and I held his face as well.  I was finally doing it; having my first kiss, I screamed internally.

I straddled his lap and he held me in place as his mouth opened; causing the kiss to get sloppy. I had no clue what I was doing and I was sure didn't know either, but we were lost in the moment. He held onto my waist as he deepened the kiss and I held onto his neck; this was getting crazy and we both realized it; pulling apart.

"That was...wow," he looked at me and I blushed.

"I've always wanted to do that, Bennie."

"Ugh," he groaned and let me go as I stared at him in confusion. "What's wrong?" "You're supposed to me by best friend. We can't do this?" "Why not? Most relationships start off as best friends, we can make this work."

"No, we can't," he covered his face, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you back." "Was I that bad?" "You weren't bad, trust me," he touched my shoulders, "it's just...I thought had more time to tell you this." 

"You have a girlfriend? I'm so sorry, Bennie," I started and he shook me, getting my attention. "It's not that, Roxie. Just wait...give me some time to explain. I need time, please."

He stood and walked out.

"Where are you going?" I asked, following him. "You know this is the opposite of giving me time." "No," I stopped him, "I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what I did wrong. Did I bite you or something? Is it my breath?" "No," he chuckled, "you were fine."

"Obviously not, what did I do wrong?"

"It's not you that did anything wrong. It's me." "What are you talking about Bennie?"

He stared at me and I saw his eyes water and fear flash across his face. "What is it, Bennie? You can tell me," I grabbed his face and he looked away. "What did I do wrong? Is it me?"

"It's not you. You're perfect, it's me." 

He took a deep breath and groaned, leaning into me.

"I'm gay."

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I had no clue if he was going to show up, but I had to try. Ricky was back home, packing for our flight tomorrow; he was going back to New Orleans for a while until we were able to find somewhere to stay together.

Taking that next step in our relationship was terrifying, but thinking of Q's words made me think of Bennie. In his videos he regretted not taking a chance with me and I know our situations were different, I couldn't help but think of Ricky. How much of a good friend he was to me and even though I didn't want to admit it; we were attracted to each other.