Daughter of the Fallen

Honor Part 2

Rick, Michonne, and I spent the next half an hour making sure Carl was as comfortable as he could possibly be as he continued to worsen.

Watching him continue to get worse knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do to help absolutely tore me apart.

Carl glanced at Michonne.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I don't want you to be sad after this," he told her. "Or angry. You're gonna have to be strong. For my dad. For Bree. For Judith. For yourself."

Michonne looked up at me and Rick. All we could do was look back.

She glanced back down at Carl. "I will," she promised.

"Don't carry this," he pleaded. "Not this part. You're my best friend, Michonne."

She smiled sadly. "You're mine, too. You're mine."

I put my hand on Rick's shoulder. We watched as another candle went out.

"I need your help," he told me and Michonne.

We looked at him. "With what?" I asked.

"Getting him out of here," he whispered helplessly.

•••

Rick and Michonne did their best to carry Carl through burning Alexandria while I stayed in front of them, holding up my gun in case anyone dared to mess with us right now.

Carl was clearly in pain and Michonne whispered, "We need to stop."

I looked back at them as Rick looked around. "The house up ahead," he pointed. "We can make it."

"It's okay," Carl mumbled, his words almost intelligible. "It's okay, just put me down here. It's okay."

I looked at Rick frantically. No way was I gonna let Carl stay here.

"No," Rick denied. "We can make it."

"Please," Carl whispered.

Rick and Michonne slowed down. I saw that the church was pretty much right next to us.

"Guys, come on," I ordered and we ran in.

•••

We carefully laid Carl down on the burnt floor of the church. The three of us kneeled around him as Rick smoothed his sweat-soaked hair and I held his hand.

"Thanks," Carl whispered. "For...for getting me here."

"I-I'm sorry," Rick replied sadly. "I just-I didn't want you out there."

"No...for getting me here. For making it so I could be who...who I wound up."

None of us responded. None of us could respond.

Carl sighed. "Back at the prison, when we got attacked,...there was a kid, a little older than me. He had a gun. He was starting to put it down and I shot him."

I leaned forward slightly. I had never heard this story before.

"He was giving it up," he continued. "And I...I shot him."

I took a deep breath, squeezing his hand lightly.

"I think about him," he stated. "What I did to him and how...easy it was to just...kill him."

"Carl," Rick whispered. "No. No. What happened, what you'd lost, all those things you had to do, you were just...you were just a boy." He put his hand on Carl's face.

"And you saw it," Carl replied. "What it did. How easy it got. That's why you changed, why you brought all of those people from Woodbury in. You brought them in and we all lived together. We were enemies. You put away your gun. You did it so I could change, so I could be who I am now. What you did then...how you stopped fighting, it was right. It still is. It can be like that again. You can still be like that again."

Rick was silent for a long time. Michonne covered my and Carl's hands with her own.

"I can't be who I was," Rick finally said. "It's different now."

"You can't kill all of them, Dad," Carl pointed out in exasperation. For you and for them. There's gotta be something after. I know you can't see it yet...how it could be. But I have. You have a beard. It's bigger and grayer. Michonne's happy. Bree's even more beautiful and...glowing from happiness."

I closed my eyes, forcing myself not to cry.

"Judith is older and she's listening to the music that I used to before. Alexandria is bigger. There's new houses and crops and people working. Everybody living, helping everybody else live. If you can still be who you were," he looked over at me and Michonne, "that's how it could be. It could."

"Carl," Rick whispered. "It was all for you. Right from the start. Back in Atlanta, the farm, everything I did was for you. Then, at the prison, it was for you and Judith. It still is. It's gonna be. And nothing-nothing is gonna change that."

Carl sighed. "I want this for you, Dad."

Rick leaned forward slightly. "I'm gonna make it real, Carl. I promise. I'm gonna make it real."

Carl looked over at me and Michonne. We forced sad smiles and nodded, promising, as well.

I tried to ignore the fact that the knife piercing my heart might as well go all the way through.

•••

"Carl," Rick spoke up after a long stretch of silently soaking in our last moments together. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. A father's job is to protect his son."

Carl shook his head. "Love. It's just to love."

Then, I watched in horror as he slowly reached for his gun.

"No," I blurted out, my voice shaking. I couldn't do this. "No, no." Rick echoed me.

"Carl," Michonne said, suddenly terrified. "I-It should be-"

"I know," Carl said calmly. "I know. Somebody you love. When you can't do it yourself. But I still can." He smiled sadly. "I grew up. I have to do this. Me."

"You can't," I got out. I couldn't lose him. This couldn't happen. "You can't."

He gave me a reassuring look. "It's gonna be okay."

I let out a shaky breath and lowered my head before looking back at him.

"I love you, Bree," he whispered.

I froze. That was the first time he had ever told me that. It made me want to scream and sob and force him to live.

But I didn't, and couldn't, do any of those things.

"I love you, Carl," I replied softly, on the verge of tears. I raised his hand and kissed it.

He told Rick and Michonne that he loved them and they said it back.

As the three of us hesitantly got up to leave, I gave Carl one last kiss. All I wanted was to make it last forever. But I couldn't.

I pulled away and followed Rick and Michonne.

I didn't give him one last glance, because I knew that if I did, I would never be able to let him go.

I went over and stood next to Michonne on the steps, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. The sun had risen and the air felt freezing on my skin.

We stood there for about five minutes before the silenced gunshot.

The sound was quiet, but it was ear piercing.

The three of us inhaled sharply and Rick and Michonne broke down sobbing.

I pulled Michonne into a hug and she cried into my arms. I forced myself not to.

Carl Grimes.

The love of my life.

My best friend.

My other half.

Was gone.

———
AN: i'm crying