Solby One Shots ✔

90.Drowning

"You look older," Sam says and Colby crosses his arms around himself.

"Well, I am, Sam. I'm a year older, that's how linear time works."

"Still a sarcastic little shit, I see."

"Always." Colby cracks a smile because he can't help it and things feel a bit crap, but Sam's here now and things could be worse. "Do mermaids have alcohol?" He's off again with ridiculous questions, some of which Colby doesn't even really know the answer to. Sam's nineteen now and he's definitely getting broader, there's hair on his chest and muscles in his arms. Colby's not staring. Not that much anyway.

"Do you have a girlfriend yet?" Colby asks.

"Nope." Sam shakes his head and he doesn't look at Colby.

"Boyfriend?"

Sam smiles and shakes his head again. "Nope, I haven't got any friend, I don't think I want one either."

"I have a boyfriend."

Sam's head snaps up and he purses his lips, but then just flicks his hair from his face. "Oh. Cool."

"He's a twat. He's just - he's an absolute fucking bastard, Sam, and he makes me so unhappy." Colby shrugs.

"Why are you going out with him then?"

"Because he makes me feel safe, and - I wouldn't have anyone without him, so like, in the long run, it's worth it. I think."

Colby pulls himself up onto the rocks and starts searching through his jeans pockets for the cigarette he stole from his Mum's purse and he tries to ignore the way Sam's watching him.

"That's not good enough, you deserve the fucking world," Sam says quietly, and Colby feels like he can't breathe for a second. He looks down at Sam and Sam looks up at the sky. His lips are still pursed and his nose wrinkled like he's just seen something disgusting.

"Excuse me?" Colby whispers.

"Come back in the water? Don't be boring," Sam says. He looks at Colby and Colby can tell he isn't going to repeat himself. The moment is gone and Colby forgets that he needs a smoke and just slides back into the water.

"I missed you," Colby says.

"I know. I missed you too."

Colby reaches out to take Sam's hand in his and Sam tightens his grip, holding on to him.

Colby thinks there's the type of love that makes you feel safe, and then there's the kind of love that makes you feel alive. It makes you feel like you're fucking flying and that nothing can bring you down, and everything looks so beautiful from up there. And Colby would rather feel alive than safe.

Colby gets caught with his hand in his Mum's handbag, trying to find cigarettes, and she tries to ban him from going out to the rocks to see Sam, but that's laughable and Colby has to force himself not to roll his eyes while she shouts. Stephen gets his cigarettes at school, Stephen isn't around in the summer and how else is he going to get them? His Mum can hardly tell him to stop smoking when she's on a pack a day.

He sneaks out when everyone's asleep, which is near impossible when the whole hut is one fucking room. He glances up when he hears Adam moving in his bed. Colby holds his finger to his lips and looks at his brother in a pleading way, and Adam just watches silently as Colby leaves and starts running down the beach.

"Sam," he calls out. He looks out over the horizon and he can feel his stomach sinking because Sam might have turned up earlier today and thought Colby didn't want to see him. There's no movement and tears are blurring Colby's vision. He doesn't know why he wants to cry, there's nothing to cry over. It just feels like he's suffocating.