Denna's POV
I don't want to have to explain it all out to him.
But damn it, I want him to know what I really feel inside. I want to be open about it.
I want to be truthful, and I want him to know why I want him, but why I can't have him.
I just don't want to imagine what he'll go through once I tell him.
He really likes me, and I'm not quite sure what the bloody hell he sees in me, but he sees something.
And I don't want to get him hurt.
So I'm torn.
"So?" he asks, getting impatient for my reply.
I would be too if I was in his shoes.
"I-I like you Calum. Bu-"
"You do?"
I can hear the hope in his voice, and I swallow the guilt, hold in my tears, and continue on with my confession.
"I do. But it's all in the way."
I close my eyes and sit up on the hospital bed, pressing my face into the palm of the one hand that isn't holding my phone.
"What is?" he asks.
"Everything. Everyone. Life itself."
People, cliques, teams, squads, time, schedules, personalities, everything is all over the place.
Everything would interfere.
"Oh."
"Yeah"
We stay on the line for a few moments, neither of us daring to ask 'What now?', but both of us probably thinking it.
I can't handle the silence.
I want to start crying.
No Denna, you're stronger than that.
"So?" I ask, breaking the quiet that's taunting me, and hopefully taunting Calum also.
"So now what?"
"I don't know." I respond flatly in a quick exhale.
"So what are we?" he asks, a little hope in his voice, a little cold in his tone.
Damn.
I want us to be something.
I want that so badly, believe me.
But it just wouldn't work.
"Not something. We can't be."
At this point, I'm done holding it in.
I let the tears flow, and I let him hear me. And I let myself hear that he's crying too.
His voice cracks, and he seems genuinely upset as he asks "Why are you crying?"
I wait a minute for my voice to calm so he can hear when I say; "Because I knew I shouldn't have gotten attached in the first place. I knew it would only hurt me in the end. I screwed it up."
His voice is so quiet and scratchy, I'm not sure If it was him or a mouse.
"Oh."
"Why are you crying?"
He takes in a deep and sharp breath.
"Because to hell with the everything in the way, I just want you."
I'm without words.
I can't put my feelings in a sentence, and I can't handle being speechless either.
"Oh."
"Oh." he repeats.
"But we can't-"
This back and fourth is so aggravating.
"So should I hang up or?"
My voice cracks, and I hope he knows the girl code, that girls never say what they want.
"Yeah."
I hear a stifle and some more light crying, and I feel embarrassed that I'm making him emotional when he's still at the airport and his parents are probably getting worried.
"Okay."
I can hear that he's heartbroken by whatever the heck we just said.
Just as he's about to hang up, I whisper, "I want you too."
"Y-You do?" he sniffles, laughing a bit, as if he doesn't believe me.
But god, I want him to believe me.
"I don't lie. Haven't I told you that before?"
He laughs.
A genuinely happy Calum laugh.
That's what I wanted to hear.
That's the laugh I love so much.
"How about we forget the cliques, forget the people, forget the everything, and start over?" I suggest, almost not crying.
"I'm Calum."
"I'm Denna."
"I like you."
I smile, even though he can't see it.
"I like you too."
A/N
this is honestly kind horrible dialogue wow okay but I needed that to happen bc... you'll see;-)))
how many people actually read this? am I just posting for one person or?
ew school starts on Tuesday.
Tuesday is an update day.
oh.
~Garima
