Calum's POV
I wake up, completly forgetting the date, the time, where I am, hell, I barely even remmeber my name anymore.
All I remmeber is strawberry flavored lipgloss and brown eyes.
And her.
Denna.
Everything comes back, all of last night fades in and I find myself staring up at the ceiling with a smile spread so wide across my face.
"She kissed me." I whisper to myself.
I sit up, look in the mirror, and for the first time in quite a while, I like what I see.
Because if she kissed me, she clearly also likes what I currently see.
"She kissed me." I repeat again, making it all complwtly clear to myself so that I can stop my sub-consioues of believeing that it never happened before it starts.
I open my window, and scream out into the view of the site of our first date.
"SHE KISSED ME!" I yell out of it.
It was real.
Oh.
My.
God.
Footsteps pound up the stairs and my door busts open.
"Calum sweetie are you okay?" says a feminine voice, not the one that kissed me.
"Am I okay? Mother, I am on a roller coaster that only goes up my friend." I reply with a smirk, referencing back to The Fault In Our Stars, which is something I know Denna loves the same way I love McFly.
She looks at me strangky, not getting the reference, but going along with it anyways since she knows i'm rarely ever in a good mood, and to let me be happy.
She leaves the room, and I continue acting like a teenager girl.
"SHE KISSED MEEEEEE!" I squeal, while going over to check my phone.
Two missed calls.
Four missed texts.
Both calls, of course from Denna, and the texts, also from her.
Denna: Good morning Calum(-:
Denna: Why won't you respond?):
Denna: Wait it's 7:30 and you got home at like 1am... awks
Denna: Okay I'll let you sleep lol
I laugh a little, and respond.
Me: lol it's fine, good morning :)
I look my phone and continue squealing, when I get a text alert from he embarrassingly fast.
Denna: (:*
Me: You do your smiley faces the wrong way:(
Denna: Do i do them the wrong way, or do you do them the wrong way?
Me: o.0
Denna: Yeah I said that
Me: It's too early for this bullshit
Denna: Then perhaps we should meet later today for this bullshit?
Me: Did you just ask me out... again?
Denna: I do believe so.
Me: Well okay then. Want to watch a movie together in my backyard?
Denna: Sure, i'll be over in an hour.
Me: Okay :)
Denna (:*
I laugh as I lock my phone and hop into the shower to quickly get ready before she gets here.
I toss on a Nickelback t-shirt and a black sweater with grey sweatpants and look at my reflection in the mirror, frowning at what I see, like I always do.
Wow, Denna could do so much better, why am I making her be stuck with me?
God, i'm not good enough for her.
I'm not good enough for anybody.
I take a seat on my bed a hold my head in my hands, trying to calm myself down, but my attempts not working.
"God god god i'm such a failure."
I repeat it over and over again until the point where it's permenently into my brain.
It scares me that I can go from so happy to so damn depressed so fast?
Why me?
Why do I have to be so screwed up?
"Damn it damn it damn it why?"
"CALUM SWEETIE ARE YOU OKAY?" my mother yells up the stairs.
With a shakey voice and tear filled eyes, I yell back "Yeah mom." and countinue crying.
I check the time, there's a half hour before Denna shows up.
Denna Denna Denna, I don't deserve her.
I don't deserve anything.
I don't deserve this affection.
I deserve pain.
I make my way over to my washroom, so glad I have a washroom to myself so that no one can find the secret stash of blades underneath the sink.
I pick one out, and look at the dried blood on it.
I look at my arm and the dried blood on it.
I close my eyes, and trace the already there lines again and again by memory.
After a few minutes and a bloody towel, I stop, and watch the blood draw before wiping it all away.
Then.
My phone goes off.
Denna: Hey, um I left a little early if that's okay? I'm sort of outside, I'll tell you what happened later...
A/N
oh
um
yeah
writing this while google hangouting internet friends aye
um
bye
~Garima
