Calum's POV
Oh shit.
What is she doing here?
"Calum? What?" she says hurriedly while gripping my arm and putting it under rushing water under the sink.
The blood starts to fade off my arm and into the once clear water rushing down the drain.
Her expression is making me feel sick, she shouldn't look so upset, she shouldn't care at all, i'm not worth that much.
"I told you to stay down there until I was ready." I whisper.
"Your mom told me to come up and suprise you. And you just. Oh my god I feel horrible."
"You shouldn't feel anything." I whisper even quieter than before, more to myself than to her.
"What?"
So maybe she heard me.
I don't care.
I don't care about anything at this point, caring is a direct way to get hurt. It's better to feel nothing. And it's even better to feel pain.
"I said that you shouldn't be feeling anything." I say, aggresivly.
She looks at me and shakes her head. "Why shouldn't I be feeling anything? Calum, Oh my god I can't even explain what i'm feeling. This hurts so much, it hurts just to know that you do this, and it hurts so much more to see it."
This hurts? Says the one who isn't in the pain.
"I said you shouldn't feel anything."
I rip my arm away from her and curl up in a ball on the washroom floor, beginning to cry.
"Calum? Why the hell wouldn't I feel anything?"
"Just..." Ii'm not going to tell her. "Just because."
"Calum, i'm supposed to be your girlfriend, you can tell me anything."
"No I can't Denna."
She glares at me disapprovingly, but then turns around to sit next to me.
As she sits, I notice blood under the cuff of her capri's.
"Denna?"
"What?"
"What happened to your ankle?"
She looks at it, and pauses in place, which I know means something happened.
"Nothing, don't worry about it." she smiles, which means she's lying.
This time, I glare at her.
"Calum, if you won't tell me, I won't tell you. It's only fair, isn't that right?"
"No, it's not right." I huff, crossed
"So if I tell you, will you tell me?"
"Maybe.." I trail on.
"I'll take my chances." she says, before explaining the whole situation to me.
It takes me a minue to process it all.
"You call that a father? Parents shouln't treat their kids like that. Especially not you."
She looks at me, and then looks at her fingers, frowning.
I put the not-bloody arm around her and whiper into her ear "I'd take his hit for you any time. Just call me up, and i'll be there for you. No matter what."
She squints her eyes and pulls my arm away, looking into my eyes.
"Calum, can you please tell me what you meant by 'I shouldn't care'?"
"Denna, it's nothing." I assure her, completly lying.
"I see the lack of light in your eyes Calum. It's not nothing."
She may be right, but i'm not telling her.
She doesn't need to know.
"Calum please."
"Denna, please. You don't need to know that I spent the last week wondering why the hell you would want to be my girlfriend, I mean, i'm me. Who in their right mind would want that?"
"Cal I-" she maneges before i cut her off.
"You also don't need to know that you deserve somebody so much better than just me. Honestly, you deserve someone who's perfect and someone who respects himself as much as he respects you. You don't need some depressed freak who hates everything."
"There is no better than you." she says, cutting me off with her bitter lies.
"Such a lie, Denna, Everyone is better than me, which makes me so pissed off, because i'll never be able to compare to them and I know i'm just holding you down, and all I want for you is to be happy and i just don't deserve you.
"Calum, just shut up. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. You're so much better than anyone else. Ever. I swear, you are the one i want."
"Bullshit." I mumble.
"How would this be bullshit in any way. Calum I swear. Wait a minute." she says getting up.
I close my eyes until she sits back down next to me.
When I open them again, she has a blade of mine in her hand, and her other arm extended towards me.
What is she doing?
"Take the blade, and cut me instead of yourself." she says frankly.
I shake my head and take the blade away from her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.
I care about her more than I care about anything at all.
"How the bloody hell would that prove anything?"
"Calum, it hurts me that you hurt yourself. Make it literal. Or stop altogether."
I'm not going to hurt her. Ever.
"Denna I-"
"You wouldn't, I know. From now on,, every time you hurt yourself, it's not hurting you anymore. It's hurting me."
"Denna." I start, not knowing the words to say to her.
I want to tell her I love her.
But I can't.
"Calum." she says, in the same situation as me, not knowing what to say.
We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us daring to break the silence.
All I can think, is i'm kind of glad she walked in on me.
A/N
oh
k then
uh i havent been on in forever bc i dont like typing when im sad and ive been pretty sad lately so sorry
im gonna try to post a lot in the next week idk
but uh
yeah
k bye
~Garima
