Calum's POV
As far back as I could remember, I always wondered what my first kiss would be like.
Would i feel like the way they always show in the movies?
No.
It wasn't like that.
It was so much more than just what they see in the movies.
It wasen't fireworks, or magic, or steamy or anyway movies or anything else make it out to be.
It was simple.
It was easy.
It was perfect.
I know this is the type of thoughts the girl should get, but I felt them too.
But then, as I look to my left at the beautiful girl lying there on an ugly picnic blanket as we count the stars and listen to the silence that brings out the sounds of crickets and nature, I think, 'how many times has she had this feeling, the feeling of her first kiss with someone important?'
"Denna?" I ask, barely above a whisper, but loud enough to be able to hear it in our away from city silence.
"Mhm?" she mumbles, looking at me.
"How many have there been before me?"
"How many what?"
"This. How many of 'this' have you had before?"
She shakes her head confused.
"What's 'this'?"
"How many guys have there been before me?"
She opens we mouth to speak, but before she does, I add one last thing.
"And guys that ever meant something. Kindergarten crushes and Nathan don't count."
She looks at me, rubs her eyes and says "Do you really want to know?"
No.
"Yes."
She takes a deep breath, and rolls on her side to face me. I do the same, which inches us closer together to the point where you could literally feel the proximity between us.
"No one."
I stare at her blankly.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I've never truthfully kissed a guy. Only Nathan." I look at her weirdly "I know right, my first kiss meant nothing. It was a set up. And all I could think after that was 'damn, I'm going to regret that.' Y'know, I wish my first kiss was like, this. I wish it was someone that I actually feel something towards."
I roll in a little closer, the ends of the blanket becoming more of a memory, and Denna becoming more of right now.
"What do you feel?"
"Man, I don't know what it is. It's not fireworks. It's not that explosion in the background. It's not something that's even done to death."
I look at her, and she turns back to face the sky, rolling a bit away.
"I didn't mean that, I meant, I don't feel the basics. I feel... I don't know. Something."
I nod, but then she smirks and asks "What do you feel."
I reply simply.
"A hurricane."
"Excuse me?" she coughs.
"I feel a freaking hurricane. Yeah. That's the right way to put it."
"What the bloody hell does that even mean?"
"I feel a tidal wave washing over me when I think about you, because my thoughts about you flood everything else and wipe it all away."
I sit up, not wanting to see her reaction.
I should not have said that.
I'm getting too attached too fast.
I don't want to lose her. She'll find out about my scars. I'll lose her. I shouldn't get attached. I shouldn't let her know I'm attached.
"Calum, I-"
"No, sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"What do you mean?"
By this point, I'm resisting tears.
"I can't tell you what I mean Denna. I need to go."
"Calum you don't have a way to leave."
Damn, I didn't see the way here either. I can't walk it.
"Sorry Denna I just-"
"No, Calum, no secrets. What's the matter?"
"Nothing. What time is it? I'm supposed to be home by 1."
I pull out my phone and press the home button to display the time.
"Damn, it's only 11:38."
"Chill Calum, they don't want you home until next year."
Her failed attempt at a joke did not help.
It made it worse.
I don't want to lose her sense of humor when she finds out.
I don't laugh.
"Calum."
I glare at her.
"Denna."
"Calum, what's wrong?"
I shake my head to say I don't tell.
"If I guess it right will you tell me?"
"You won't guess it right, so sure. If you do guess it right, i'll tell you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
She takes in a deep breath, then speaks the words I didn't think she'd ever say.
"Calum, do you cut yourself?"
A/N
oh
well
I was in a good mood at the beginning and then I just
yeah
so
hey
~Garima
