Journey

Elijah

I hate it. I hate it with a passion. It scares me to think that Lorelei is with Tove the real person who crippled her. I was talking with the doctor earlier and he said she will most likely have a limp for the rest of her life. When I picked her up to put her in her wheelchair she winced. I hated that I caused her pain. I run my fingers through my hair several times.

I can't shake this sense of unease. I feel like I need to be in there with them right now.Something important is happening and I need to be there. I pace around Lorelei's hospital room. My heart is clambering in my chest. It feels like it's pounding is shaking the ship. The clock on the wall is ticking. Constantly ticking. It fills my ears. It seems to be growing louder and louder. I curse the person who invented the ticking clock. I let myself fall onto the hospital bed. I give up. What am I even here for? I have to ask myself this question many times a day. I could be at home right now. I could be in the safeness of my house. Where I don't have to worry about aliens. I don't have to worry about the government. I know I would have to worry about that sorta stuff but I don't want to. I wish I could be a child again.

I don't want to be apart of this world anymore. I cry into my hands. Since when are 15 year olds supposed to worry for their safety on a constant basis? This world of darkness is scary. The shadows that are cast scare me. I don't know exactly what I cried for that night. The only person I cried for for sure was Lorelei. Life has put her through so much. I have only seen her break down once. Why can't I be that strong? I start laughing but not because it's funny. I start hysterically laughing. I can't stop. My life is so messed up. Just a few days ago I was scared for my life, my best friend's life but mostly for my girlfriend's life. She who was beat up and laying on the floor with glassy eyes.

Her eyes reflected her soul in that moment. They were filled with sadness. One tear betrayed her. It fell down her cheek. She had told me she was ready to die. I don't know how I feel about that. Was she really ready to leave me? Who am I kidding. She would be with her parents. I can't beat that even if I was her lifelong friend.

I sit on the hospital bed. I am devoid of emotion. And that's how Lorelei sees me. She sees my tear stained face staring off into oblivion.

She walks toward me.

"Elijah are you okay?" She asks me.

I don't want to talk right now.

"Eli," She says in a worried voice.

I hear her but she sound like she is underwater. She calls the doctor. The doctor comes rushing in. I don't look at him.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"He's being unresponsive," Lorelei says in a shaky voice.

Lorelei leaves the room and lets the doctor talk to me. He asks me a lot of questions. So many questions. Question after question. Answer after answer. I am detached. My mind isn't in the room with us.

"Elijah, do you know how to be happy?" The doctor asks.

That one question brings my mind racing back. I think about it. I haven't been happy in a while.

"I don't know," I say.

He writes something down on a piece of paper.

"Your diagnosis," He says handing me a piece of paper.

I look at it and it takes a while to register in my brain. On the tiny sheet of paper are the words moderate depression. I stare at the words as if if I stare at it long enough the words would change. No such luck. That's it. The two words on the paper sum up my entire diagnosis.

"I'm not going to tell your pretty friend. I'm going to leave that up to you to tell her however I highly recommend telling someone," The doctor tells me.

The doctor hands me a bottle of pills from out of his pocket.

"Take one every two hours," He tells me.

I nod and he leaves the room. I take a pill out of the bottle. It is a mint green color. I put it on my tongue and swallow it. I immediately feel different.

Lorelei stumbles into the room. I rush over and help her to the bed.

"I am trying to get around without help, however your help is always welcome," She tells me.

I smile at her. She smiles back.

"We don't see enough Elijah smiles around here," She tells me.

I laugh.

"They are beautiful," She tells me.

"Not as beautiful as you," I tell her.

"Why thank you Eli."

I gather her in my arms.

"What did the doctor say?" She asks.

The question I was dreading.

I kiss her lips. I try and silence her with my kiss.

"Hold up you aren't getting off the hook that easily," She says against my lips.

"I uh. I forgot. I forgot how to be. I forgot how to be happy," I tell her.

I look down. I don't want to see the judging look in her eyes. How could she love a broken boy?

"Elijah. I'm sorry. You've bent your back over trying to help me but I haven't given you help. Elijah I love you and I promise I will try and make everyday easier for you because I love you. I love you Elijah and so I will go out of my way to make sure you smile," Lorelei says to me.

I don't deserve her. It is as simple as that. I give her a small smile.

She kisses me and I melt into the heat of her kiss.