Angels (Pavel Chekov)

70 - Worked Up

They walk for a long while and say very little. Erik seems to need a little time to think before he talks with her. They find a quiet spot with a bench and they sit down, looking over the academy. Erik looks pretty sombre, his eyebrows are knitted together.

"Is everything alright, Erik?"

"I'd like to believe so, Vienna," he says softly. "This isn't about me applying to Starfleet. That's not what my brother's worked up about. I just... I wanted to start with an apology. I know this just makes things awkward for you and I know I shouldn't be stressing you by pushing Pavel around."

"So, what exactly is he angry at you about? I must say, I'm pretty confused."

"Well," he says, looking fairly lost. "Well, Vienna, you saw that Pavel was reading my PADD, yes? I had my... I had a journal open. He read it. He's angry because it was about you. There's no real easy way to word this. I can't think of any other way to really put this but he's angry because I..."

He swallows, his eyes getting cloudy and Vienna feeling the cogs turning in her head.

"I love you, Vienna."

Vienna's mouth drops open a little.

"I'm sorry," Erik says weakly, his eyes are starting to water now. He takes a deep breath and pulls some tissue from his pocket. "I'm so sorry. It's so hard, you're so much like her. You're so much like her and you're with my brother, of all people. I love you, I love you so much. Ever since you were in Russia... When you came and talked to me behind the church, when you were whispering goodnight to Pavel in Russian, when we skated together. I thought my lungs would collapse having to watch you kiss him... I'm so sorry. This isn't helping, I need to stop talking."

Vienna puts a hand on his back and tries to find something to say. "Erik, I'm sorry. I really am. You know that my heart belongs to Pavel."

"You don't seem angry," he notes, wiping his eyes.

"I'm not angry. I guess I'm flattered. In one way or another, I feel as though we can't really help who we fall in love with. As long as you respect and understand that the feelings aren't reciprocated, we don't have an issue."

He nods, drawing a deep breath. "As I said, I'm sorry to put you through this."
They walk back together and Erik dries his eyes periodically. He seems so dull and deflated after telling her, she can't help but feel a weird guilt for it. He walks her to the door and hesitates before keying in the door code. He lets her in first and Pavel's there waiting as soon as the door opens.

"He told you?" Pavel asks softly, looking to Vienna, who nods. Pavel goes back to what he was doing and Erik goes into the kitchen quietly. Selwyn has a book in his hands and Vienna just sighs, sitting next to Pavel. He seems particularly quiet, not looking up from what looks from a physics journal. Selwyn looks up from his book and sees her looking towards the ground in deep thought. She looks unhappy, he wonders what just happened.

"Vienna," Selwyn says softly. She looks up. "Do you want to go to dance early? I think there's a few people practising at this time but it might be easier finishing earlier rather than staying behind."

"Sounds good," Vienna says, glad to be getting away from the room for a little while. "I'll get changed and then we can go."

He nods, going back to his book. A little later he looks up to see Pavel staring at him. A few uncomfortable seconds pass and Pavel looks back down to his PADD, his gaze focused and making Selwyn shift in his seat a little.

Vienna picks up that Selwyn looks uncomfortable and asks him about it. He doesn't know whether to answer in entire truth or not but he tries to change the subject and she asks again.

"I'm... It's nothing," he starts, looking towards Vienna who has an obvious 'I know it's not nothing look.' He sighs and thinks of how to phrase his thoughts. "Well, Pavel was just giving me funny looks after I asked if you wanted to come out with me. Is he normally the jealous type or...?"

"I wouldn't say that," she says defensively, feeling her cheeks warm a little. "I guess you don't know the context but Erik pulled me out to tell me that... That he had feelings for me. Pavel's probably a little on edge because of it. Other than his brother, he hasn't really shown any sort of possessiveness over me." She stops talking and instantly thinks of Damien and his possessiveness over her; how it nearly killed Pavel. "Sorry," she says, realising she's zoning out. "He doesn't really know you and I guess he's protective of me or something."

"Protective, the way you're saying it, sounds like a defensive way of saying possessive."

She doesn't have any sort of comment to reply with. She just bites her lip and Selwyn quickly apologises. Vienna tells him not to; that it's fine, but he seems unconvinced.

"Vienna," Selwyn says. He stops walking, she turns back to face him. "I think it's fair to say that we're friends, yes? After everything that happened with Vulcan and most of Starfleet getting wiped out, we're hugely lucky to be here. I want to look after what I have left and that includes you. I'm not trying to be intrusive. I just want to make sure you're happy with him. I don't know, maybe I'm picking up false alarms because relationships are different in my culture but I honestly just want the best for my friend."

"Thank you," she says softly. "I know it'd be different from an outsider's eyes. I'm happy with Pavel though. I love him, a lot. We look after each other, we almost always have."

"I know what you mean," Selwyn mutters, tensing up a little. "I... I saw his arms... When he was washing his hands, he had his sleeves pulled up and... I'm sorry. The Kelzenone people have an attitude towards self-harm... For us, it's a huge sign of disrespect. Disrespect for all that you have and especially towards family, friends and partners. I know it's different here but... I guess I just see it differently."

"They're just scars. They're fading, he's been getting better. He has some medication to regulate his mood and he's improved a lot from when I first met him."

Selwyn goes quiet. Vienna looks concerned. He shakes his head a little and Vienna asks what he means.

"The scars on his arms weren't fading. They were fresh wounds. They were quite recent."

Vienna feels her head spin a little. She's tells Selwyn she needs to go for a bit and he nods, asking if she's okay. She nods, muttering about meeting up with him later. She starts walking for a little before calling Pavel. She asks him to come back to his room and he asks why she doesn't just come back to her room. She asks again and he picks up the tone in her voice, wondering what's wrong.

(Author's Note)

Having to reformat every new chapter because I'm copying and pasting it from my phone ahahahaha help