Angels (Pavel Chekov)

71 - Scentimental

Vienna is in Pavel's dorm by the time he gets there. She's glad David isn't around. She wants to talk to him alone. Pavel comes in and takes a seat next to her. She feels ill and Pavel feels hugely nervous sitting there.

She looks over to him, trying to think of how to phrase everything that's streaming through her head.

"I want to see your arms."

"Why do you want to see my arms?"

"Pavel, show me your arms."

He goes silent. He doesn't move, he doesn't offer his arm to her. Vienna turns to him and goes to reach for his wrists, which he quickly pulls away. Vienna gets up and walks away. Her eyes are flooding and she finds a tissue in the kitchen. Pavel stays on the couch. Her thoughts are all over the place and she tells herself she should have stayed with Selwyn.

Pavel goes into the kitchen and watches as Vienna cries. He looks away, his own eyes starting to cloud over. He starts pulling his sleeves up and Vienna looks over to him. His arms are just as bad as they were when she first started dating him. She covers her mouth with her hands and shakes her head in disbelief.
She can only find one word to say to him.

"Why??"

He shakes his head, pulling his sleeves back down. He goes back over to the couch and Vienna takes a little time to try and gather herself. She dabs some tissues on her eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

She comes back over and sits opposite him. He doesn't look up. He wipes his own eyes, sniffing softly.

"Pavel, why?"

"That fight we had! I felt terrible Vienna, I had just killed Spock's mother, I had just yelled at you, I needed to punish myself."

"You didn't kill Spock's mother."

"I killed her! I couldn't reach her in time, I'm a murderer! Her blood is on my hands, Spock will never ever forgive me for it. I will always be the stupid ensign who wasn't smart enough to save her in time."

"You're not stupid. You were the only one on the ship who could manually lock onto the position of a moving target! You are there calculating the math for that in your head and you saved Spock's life, along with the others who were in the council of elders. You saved his life and it was never your fault that Spock's mother fell. You saved the whole ship. You saved the whole damn planet Pavel. No one can take that away from you. Don't ever think you're stupid. Don't ever think you're not enough."

"I'm a murderer. I can never forgive myself for it."

"You made a mistake, Pavel! You are human, we make mistakes, we aren't perfect and we learn from it. I still want to know why you didn't use some spray or something. There are other ways."

He shakes his head and wipes his eyes again. "I left my spray on Earth. It was in my room when we got called to the hangar. I knew medbay was flooded and I didn't want to ask for more because it was already too late. I was in a self-destructive spiral. It made sense in my head when it was happening..."

"Pasha..." She says softly, her heart aching. He sniffs and she pulls him in close. They cry silent tears together for a while. Pavel can't get the Vulcan incident off his mind and Vienna feels his pain.

The two of them wake up on the lounge together in the middle of the night. Pavel dreams of Spock screaming 'murderer!' and trying to attack him in vengeance.

Vienna rubs her sore neck and tells him that they need to go to bed somewhere more comfortable. He nods and reaches into his bag first, pulling out his spray and spraying it into his mouth. He has a concern plastered on his face that leaves Vienna a little on edge and she follows him into his bedroom.

Vienna encourages Pavel to stop wearing long sleeves for the night and let his wounds air out a little. The weather is too warm for long sleeves anyway and she has a deep longing for him to feel more comfortable around her. He agrees, knowing that it is getting a little too warm for long sleeves and sleeping in just a soft pair of pyjama pants.

They wake up again later in the morning and they have numerous missed calls from Erik. Vienna has one from Selwyn as well and she messages him, giving him a quick explanation of what happened. Pavel asks if she wants porridge and she tells him that she's really not hungry.

Erik is there when they go back over and he seems glad to see them. Pavel wants to go to engineering and talk to Montgomery Scott and Vienna encourages him to go. Her mind is cloudy and she has a lot she wants to think about. Vienna starts cleaning when Pavel leaves and Erik asks if she'd like some help but she tells him cleaning is therapeutic to her in one weird way or another.

Pavel comes back a few hours later and Vienna asks to talk to him. He feels nervous just at the suggestion but they go into Vienna's room and sit down on the bed together. He asks if everything's okay and she nods.

"Listen, I'm going back to Delaware for a little while."

"Really, when?"

"Tonight. I need some time to gather myself after everything that happened in space. If I'd been twenty seconds later, if Bones hadn't have been with Kirk, I wouldn't be here. I was so close to death. I'm very lucky to be alive. I need to spend some time with my family. I need to go to and ground myself again."

"I understand. When will you be back? I hope... I hope I haven't driven you away."

"You haven't, Pavel. I just need a little time to myself. I'll be back when I feel like it. I can't say yet."

"I'll miss you..." He says softly, taking her hands. "I was thinking because we could have a while before classes come back again, maybe we can go on holiday together? It might be nice to get away from this environment for a little bit."

She nods, liking the idea of them just spending a little quality time together. He stays on her bed while she packs. He has a weird request and he struggles a little to ask it. She waits for him patiently until he can finally spit the question out, asking if he can stay in her bed while she's gone.

"Sleep in my bed?"

"It smells like you. I don't want to sound weird or anything, but I'll miss you and it's comforting. I'm happy to stay in my own room if you'd prefer."

"You're welcome to stay in my bed, Pavel. Though, I do want to know what I smell like to you."

"I can't explain it. It's a nice smell, almost fruity? It brings me so much comfort."

She smiles at him softly, throwing one t-shirt into her bag and one onto Pavel. He holds it to his chest as he watches her, thinking of somewhere they could go on holiday together. She closes up her bag and puts it on the bed next to Pavel.

"I want something of yours in return for sleeping in my bed. I want your shirt to sleep in. One that smells like you. I want a part of you with me when I'm in Delaware."

They stay on the bed once she's packed and talk for a long, long while. Erik doesn't come knocking and they lose track of time. Vienna checks her PADD and tells Pavel they should eat something before she goes. Pavel nods and gets up, offering to cook something for her.

"How about you help me cook? It was fun last time."

He grins at the thought, taking her hand and swinging it as they move into the kitchen.