Angels (Pavel Chekov)

Chapter 13 - His Wrath

Chapter 13 - His Wrath

I thought that fear was uncontrollable, but I was wrong. It's one of the few things that can be controlled. When I first talked to Pavel about why he would slice through his skin, he told me that it is was the only pain that the could control. It scared me at first, but after thinking about it, I could understand this whole self harm thing a bit more.

I remember waking up feeling cold and lonely. I was so used to waking up with Pavel's warm body around me. But this time I was alone, and I didn't like it. I sat up and looked around, I was in Pavel's room but I couldn't see him. I called out his name, but my voice was barely even audible. I tried to stand, but I just fell to the floor. My body was weak and I couldn't support my weight. I crawled along the floor towards the bathroom, and called out his name softly again. I kept crawling into the bathroom, and screamed.

Pavel was curled up in a ball, and the floor was covered in blood. The was a silver blade that was stained red beside him. His arm hung loosely beside him, with five very deep cuts into it. I started hyper ventilating, gasping desperately for air from a strong panic attack. "Help!" I gasped. Pavel looked up, his face was drained of colour and his eyes were grey and bloodshot. He looked more like a meth addict than a helpless teenager. He crawled over to me and wrapped and arm around my back, rubbing it soothingly. "Don't cry..." He whispered. "I'm so sorry..." He rocked me back and forth softly. "I'm so sorry..."

It took me almost half an hour to stop crying and calm down. Pavel's face was blank, and he kept whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again. His voice was low and his eyes dripped with tears. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't ewen protect you, you almost got raped and I was right there but couldn't ewen help you... I'm so pathetic why did you ever like me... I'm so sorry." I kissed his cheek, and then his lips. "I love you Pavel and you're blaming this all on yourself, none of this was your fault okay. I need you just as much as you need me. I can't live without you Pavel don't do this to yourself. I love you because you're caring and passionate person and you're amazing Pasha. Don't ever forget that..." I took his hand and looked at the damage he'd done. "Pavel, I know you love me, and because you do, you have to stop, you have to okay?" He shook his head, "I'm not promising you something I can't keep."  I shook my head and let tears fall down my face. I could see the guilt in his face, but he was telling the truth. "I'm pathetic Vienna I can't even be there for you when you need me, I'm worthless..." I didn't let him say anymore, my lips met his and we just let it happen. I eventually pulled away, needing air. "Don't you ever say that again, you think you're nothing but, you're my everything." I whispered, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry..." He mumbled back softly. "You need to stop, where did you get the blade?" He shrugged, "I got it for a birthday present when I was a teenager..." I picked it up if the floor and tried to stand up, I fell back down on my weight, dropping the blade. "I'll take you to the hospital wing, just let me, uh clean up..." He muttered, helping me so I was sitting on the ledge of the bath. "Let me, I'm qualified. Can you pass me the medical kit?" He sighed passing it to me, showing me his arm. "Pavel you really need to go to hospital with me, these are really really deep and need stitching..." He shook his head. "I'll get suspended from star fleet for poor mental health, I can't." I sighed and nodded, starting to clean him. "This means that I'll have to stitch it for you, so it might sting a bit." He shrugged and let me put numbing cream on him. "I'm sorry if this hurts..." I muttered, threading his skin together. He clenched his eyes shut and groaned in pain.

He carried my fairly limp body to the medical wing, ignoring all the weird glances he got from other people. He stayed with me the whole time, and held my hand. "You know now that star fleet knows all the things Damien did, he's going to be even more angry and twice as dangerous..." He nodded sighing. "I'll protect you this time, I won't let him come near you..." I had faith in him, but he couldn't hold off three larger and stronger guys. We sat in silence for a while, waiting for a doctor to come back with some results. "Hi, I'm Leonard McCoy, I've got your results back here. So you said that something happened, and the stress of it caused you to throw up, and then pass out. Are there any other things that might be stressing you out?" He asked. I glanced at Pavel and the back at Doctor McCoy. "The work load maybe, but that's about it..." I lied. I never really told Pavel, but sometimes after he would cut, I'd freak out and throw up from stress. I just didn't want to worry him. "Is that all?" The doctor asked suspiciously. I nodded my head. "You two are in a relationship?" He asked, looking at Pavel, and his hand holding mine. "Yeah..." We muttered together. "Are you two happy with each other?" He asked, watching Pavel's arm. I started sweating. "Very..." Pavel answered for us. "Is it alright if I see your arm Mr Chekov?" He asked, gesturing towards the arm that I had bandaged earlier. His sleeve was a bit thicker on that side and the doctor had noticed.

Pavel went to pass him his arm reluctantly when I panicked. "I think I'm gonna be sick again!" I blurted out. The doctor instantly turned his attention away from Pavel and towards me. He passed me a sick bag flicked a few things on my machine. Pavel mouthed 'thank you' and I clutched my stomach. Pavel held my hair back as I threw up. I don't know if it was forced or not because I was so stressed about loosing him that it just kinda happened. Doctor McCoy thanked Pavel and gave me a cloth to wipe my mouth with. He took the bag away with me to dispose of it and left us alone. "You didn't force that for me did you?" He whispered. I shook my head, "I don't actually know to be honest," I admitted.

I thought the doctor had forgotten about Pavel and his arm, I was wrong. He pulled up a chair and sat next to where we were. "Listen Mr Chekov, since it's Vienna here and not you, I've decided that I won't file a report if I see under there what I think may be there..." Pavel nodded and looked at me. I nodded and looked back at the doctor. "Can you promise me that I won't be suspended for this?" Pavel asked. The doctor nodded, "It'll be completely confidential." Pavel rolled his sleeve up and passed him his arm. It was tightly bandaged, and Dr McCoy undid it. Underneath was his sewn up skin, along with some older scars. He sighed, "I'm sorry kid..." He turned towards me. "You're a nurse right?" He asked. I nodded, "And a dentist..."  He smirked, "You're a very talented person Vienna, not many people your age can handle the stress of doing something like this to a person they care so much about. And you," he said pointing to Pavel, "Are a very, very lucky person. Don't ever leave her." The doctor smiled and stood up. "I won't," Pavel replied, the faintest hint of a smile flickering across his face. After Dr McCoy left, I bandaged Pavel's arm back up for him. "Thank you Vienna," he half smiled. He stood up so that he could kiss me. It was probably meant to be a quick kiss, but it lingered on for a while. I was fine with that.

(Author's note)

Sorry for the short chapter :/

Anyways thanks so much for this passing 250 reads!! Yeaaaahhh!

Thanks heaps and comment something awesome for me to read! Yay!

Love you guys!

-Lucky

^_−☆