Angels (Pavel Chekov)

Chapter 26 - Wonders and Words

Chapter 26 - Wonders and Words

I had been with Bones for an hour or so and Pavel still hadn't left the room. I was beginning to grow more and more concerned as time went on. I was catching up with bones, we hadn't really spoken much since Pavel was in the hospital. Joanna had finally returned back to her mother and it would be a while before Bones saw her again. Christmas was only a few weeks away and his ex-wife had promise Jo could spend it with him.

"It's going to be the best Christmas ever," Bones started, leaning forward in his chair. "I'm going to do a massive dinner and we'll have heaps of presents and I'll take her out in the snow." He grinned and sat back. "We should all do Christmas together. You, Pavel, Erik. We've been through a lot and it would be nice to spend it together before we go off into space."
I smiled. The idea was perfect. "I think that would be really nice but I'd hate to intrude it sounds like you and Jo should spend it together."
Bones dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand. "I'll already have this other guy over named Jim. He doesn't really have anywhere else to go for Christmas and I stand by the statement the no one should be alone."
Bones had a rare smile on his face. I liked seeing it, it finally proved that there was more to him than the grumpy exterior.

Bones had to leave after a while to get ready for another shift in the medical wing so I was left alone and unsure what to do with Pavel. He hadn't left his room and I didn't know whether he needed space or company. I thought about it for a while and finally decided to see him. I knocked softly on his door and waited for a reply. There was nothing. I opened the door quietly and walked in, seeing him sleeping softly on the bed. I sighed and sat down beside him and pulled out my phone. He made a soft noise of discomfort beside me.
"Vienna?" He whispered softly, looking up and opening his eyes.
"Yeah I'm here," I muttered, brushing some curls from his face. "Are you alright?"
He sighed, "no we can't see Erik any more okay."
"Wait a second, is this about him joining Starfleet? I didn't think you'd be bother by it that much..."
He sat up lazily. "No there was more. I found all this stuff and I just can't see him again."
"What did you find in there...?"
Pavel shook his head and looked away.
"Please, you know you can trust me right...?"
Pavel finally met my eyes. "I can't, either he tells you or you don't find out."
"You shouldn't have lunged at him when he pushed you."
"I know but he shouldn't have pushed me...."
"You did hack his private stuff."
"If you knew what he wrote you'd see it differently."
"So he wrote something?"
Pavel let out a loud groan and hid his face. "I said nothing."
"This isn't like a journal is it?"
"I said nothing."

A week passed before we heard anything from Erik. He kind of turned up abruptly and asked to see Pavel. Pavel looked up and bit his lip. Their conversation proceeded rather calmly in Russian and I stood there awkwardly against the door. Erik started getting frustrated while Pavel kept an even voice. I hated not knowing what was going on. Erik started swearing and Pavel started getting more and more annoyed.
After a few minutes, I snapped and yelled, "Can someone please explain what's going on?"
They both looked at me and looked back at each other.
"You tell her now or I do," Pavel said forcefully.
Erik groaned, "you don't understand the pain I'm in!"
I looked across to both of them. Pavel was still angry and Erik started looking close to tears.
Erik sighed in defeat. "I'll tell her. Vienna would you come for a walk?"
I looked over to Pavel who nodded encouragingly. Erik looked away and opened the door curtly.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, stepping outside into the cold weather.
Erik sighed, "I'd like to think so."
We started walking towards the campus cafe, where it would be reasonably warmer. Erik wasn't making much eye contact and he walked slower than usual.
He gestured for me spot sat down and he took a few deep breaths. "I just wanted to start off by saying that I'm sorry. About this, about attacking Pavel, putting him in danger. I just can't think clearly recently. "
He looked up at me and half smiled. "Pavel found my journal on a computer. That's what got him fired up, not the star fleet thing. I don't think he cares much about that."
"I had a feeling it was a journal, did you write something about him or-"
Erik gripped the handles of the chair. "It wasn't about Pavel." He looked down and closed his eyes. "It was about you Vienna."
Cogs started turning inside me and a sick feeling washed over me. I was starting to understand where this was going.
Erik squeezed his eyes shut and two tears fell down his cheeks. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
He looked up at me and his eyes were red and puffy like Pavel's became when he was crying. He swallowed and let out a shaky breath.
His eyes met back to mine and he quickly looked away, shaking more and letting out another laboured breath. More tears fell down his cheeks. "Vienna," he whispered. He looked straight ahead at me and covered his mouth. "Vienna I love you."

I moved and sat next to him on the trendy cafe lounge and wrapped my arms gently around him. He hugged me back and his laboured breaths shook against me.
"Ah Erik I'm sorry, please don't cry."
Erik let out a soft laugh, "please don't apologise, it's in no way your fault. I just don't know what to say or do. I love you and I can't help it, you're just so much like her I can't believe she's gone. I'm so sorry."
Erik let go and wiped his eyes with a napkin. I could see in his eyes the pain he was in. "I can't bear it, it's just so painful knowing that you're someone else's; my brother's of all people. I'm so sorry, I just can't help it." He dabbed his eyes again and took another few deep breaths. I passed him another napkin with a weak smile.
"You don't seem angry," he muttered, leaning back in his chair.
"I'm not angry, no, it's not really your fault I guess. I'm just sorry I can't do anything about it. I love Pavel, you know that. I don't really know what to do."
He nodded. "You don't have to do anything, Pavel was right I just had to get it off my chest so I can move on."

Erik walked me back, and it was fairly awkward. It was freezing too, which didn't help. The walk seemed twice as long as the first time. I felt terrible for Erik, he seemed drained now and his normal sarcastic bubbly personality had faded. He opened the door and curtly ushered me in first. Pavel snapped his head upwards as soon as the door moved. I gave Pavel a weak smile and he muttered something softly to Erik in Russian. Erik just nodded and sat down.
"He told you everything?" Pavel asked quietly.
"Yeah," I confirmed sitting next to him.
Erik was avoiding eye contact again.
"I think I better go," Erik mumbled uncomfortably. Pavel nodded and I waved him goodbye as he left the room.
Pavel rested his head on the base of my neck. I gently brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his head.
"I was scared you'd leave me for him," he whispered.
"You know I'd never do that right."
Pavel shrugged, "Yeah but Erik is just... I don't know, more charming than me..."
"Don't go comparing yourself to him, I love you okay, a lot."
Pavel smiled weakly. "What now? He's not going to come hassle us anymore so we're just alone now I guess. "
I nudged him, "we have each other, we're not alone."
He nodded silently, still deep in thought. I gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, nudging Pavel's side.
He shrugged, "I guess."

Pavel didn't bother trying to contact Erik for the next two weeks. Both of them needed a while to cool off and Pavel insisted that his time away from me was good for him. The ship was rescheduled to leave early January which left little time for Pavel and myself to begin preparation for exams. It took a lot of discussions but I eventually managed to convince Pavel to visit my family before Christmas. Bones still had that faint aura of excitement for Christmas about him, and it was a nice change from his grumpy exterior.

(Author's note) 

How has it been a year omgggg

I'm so sorry 

If you want some angst Pavel stuff i recommend my other fic Equinox which has 24K words already done and ready to go so that might cause you less pain emotionally 

Thank you for so many reads and votes and love despite me almost abandoning this <3